Boxcars

Time for another one of my hitching adventures. This one is different. Someone I met along the way planted a seed, but it took twenty years to sprout. When it did, it sent me on a quest to discover the meaning of life. It took me another twenty-two years of visiting libraries, of perusing the shelves of bookstores. Twenty-two years of searching out, and finding, obscure books and writings from centuries past. Although a few pieces of the puzzle still elude me, I am content with the knowledge I have gained. I owe it all to a man by the name of Oracle.

train

“There is a chink, a nigger, and a cracker in that car; git ‘em out. Oh yeah, there’s also a kid in there.”

I was that kid. With those few words, one of the strangest and most profound adventures of my young life was about to take place.

Have you noticed that, nowadays, when you’re stopped at a railroad crossing and a train goes by, there are no more boxcars? It’s because the railroad companies have gone the way of the shipping companies—meaning, containers. The story I am about to tell could not happen today.

First, a little history lesson.

After the Civil War, or the War of Northern Aggression, depending on where your sympathies lie, some of the displaced men who found themselves still alive after the carnage and who had no home to go back to, took to the highways and byways. To earn their daily bread, they would offer to work for a day at the farms they passed. Before long, they discerned that if they had their own implements, work would come easier. Therefore, one by one, they started carrying hoes and soon they were called “hoe boys.” Now, English being the wonderful, beautiful, and living language that it is, it was not long before any itinerant man was called a hobo.

This is how the whole thing started. I was hitchin’ east on Old US Highway 90, but back then it was just “US 90.” I was in the desert of Arizona and the rides were not plentiful, to say the least. The last ride had let me out in the middle of nowhere; the only things resembling civilization were the train tracks and a few buildings about a hundred yards to the south. There was also a long freight train sitting on those tracks … there must have been a hundred boxcars or more.

My attention was drawn to one car in particular. All the cars were brown in color, except one about three-quarters of the way back. It was green and the door had been slid open. I looked down the road, saw not a car in sight, and decided right then and there to hop my first freight train. After all, it was pointed in the same direction I wanted to go. When I reached the green car, I threw my suitcase in and climbed in after it. For a moment, I did not see my traveling companions, but, as my eyes adjusted, there they were. Over in the far corner were three men: a black guy, a Chinaman, and a white guy. (Some of my terminology may not be socially acceptable today, but I’m writing from the perception of an eighteen-year-old kid back in 1968.)

The three men were sitting on wooden crates and they were all about forty years of age. The Chinaman had a wispy and sparse black beard about a foot long. He was a bit chubby, wore tan pants, a red flannel shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his biceps. Brown work boots covered his feet. To his left sat the black man. He was thin and had grey throughout his hair. He was wearing a white t-shirt, black pants, and on his feet were black high top sneakers—US Keds. The white guy was also thin, had a big smile, and, though I couldn’t tell from that distance but found out later, he had piercing emerald-green eyes, and when he looked at you, you felt as though you had known him all your life. He wore blue jeans, cowboy boots, and a black t-shirt with a denim jacket over it.

If they were startled by my entrance, they were over it by the time I noticed them. The Chinaman had a hunk of cheese in his left hand and a small pocket knife in his right. “You want some cheese?” he asked.

After taking a moment to assess the situation, I said, “No, thank you.” I walked over to them, sat my suitcase on the floor, and sat myself on it—facing my three hosts.

After my butt hit the suitcase, the Chinaman said, “Where ya headed?”

“Miami … Miami, Florida.”

The white guy found his voice and chimed in. “Howdy, my name’s Jake, this here is Ying,” he said, pointing to the Chinaman. “And that sorry son-of-a-bitch over there is Samuel.” As Jake introduced him, the black guy smiled. They were obviously friends. Then Jake asked, “What might your handle be?”

“You can call me Andrew, Andrew Joyce.”

“Hold on there, partner. There ain’t no last names used around here,” advised Jake.

Ying cut slices of cheese and passed them around, then wrapped what remained in a blue bandanna and placed it in the pocket of a brown leather jacket lying on the floor behind him.

While they were enjoying their cheese, I asked if they were hobos. You’ve got to remember I was young, and this was my first encounter with men who “rode the rails.” I had always pictured hobos as looking more like the old Red Skelton character, Freddy the Freeloader. You know, baggy pants and patches all over his clothes. Maybe even a week’s worth of whiskers. But these guys were clean-shaven, except for Ying, and they were a lot cleaner and a lot better dressed than I was.

Samuel spoke for the first time. “An honorable and noble profession. What say you, fellow wayfarers? Are we indeed affiliated with those modern-day knights of the road?”

Jake said, “You’ll have to excuse Samuel. He gits a bit long-winded at times.”

“My bosom friend, Jacob, we have not answered the young lad’s query. His incertitude as to our status should be addressed,” declaimed Samuel.

“Kid, I told ya he was a son-of-a-bitch,” remarked Jake.

But before I could receive an answer to my perfectly legit question if they were hobos or not, we heard from outside the boxcar: “There is a chink, a nigger, and a cracker in that car; git ‘em out. Oh yeah, there’s also a kid in there.”

This is where we came in.

Before the “bulls” had a chance to stick their mugs into the car, my would-be traveling companions were gathering their meager belongings and heading for the door. I jumped up and scrambled after them. Just as we reached the opening, two men appeared. One of them, looking up at us, said, “Okay, boys, git off.” One by one we exited our little, and unfortunately temporary, haven. I was the last to disembark. My new buddies were already a few steps down the tracks by the time I hit the ground. I started out after them, but something held me back. It turned out to be a bull’s big hand wrapped around my left bicep. “Hold on, not so fast,” he ordered. Bull is slang for the railroad employees who were charged with throwing freeloading men off the trains.

When Jake saw that I was being detained, he stopped and turned around. The head bull yelled down the tracks, “This ain’t none of your affair. Ya’all just keep to ya own business and move along.”

Jake gave me a wink and continued on—leaving me behind.

When you’re eighteen, you think you’re all grown up and you think the rest of the world will perceive you as such. But as I write these words almost half a century later, I know how young I must have looked on that day. The man only wanted to make sure I was okay. As it turned out, the bull holding onto my arm had a son my age serving in Viet Nam. He asked about my family and where I lived. When I told him I was in touch with my mother frequently and that I was not a runaway, he smiled. He also told me ridin’ the rails was a dangerous business. “Not all the bulls are like me. Some, if they catch ya, will beat ya with a club. Some might even turn you over to the county sheriff if there’s a road needin’ work. It’ll cost ya time in the pokey. Ya see, some guys have an agreement with the local sheriff, so much for each hobo they turn over. Kinda like a bounty. Then the poor son-of-a-bitch is charged with trespassing and vagrancy. That’ll git ya sixty days.” He also told me that jumping off a moving train, even if it was going slow, could get my head busted wide open.

“Don’t worry, sir. This is my last time catchin’ a freight. From now on, it’s gonna be the thumb express for me.”

He said I was free to go and sent me off with a smile. After walking ten paces, I turned around; he was still standing there with that smile on his face, and he waved to me. I waved back and continued on to the highway. It was as empty of cars as it had been an hour earlier. I sighed, upended my suitcase, and sat down to get comfortable for what I thought was going to be a long afternoon.

About fifteen minutes later, the train started to move. At the first sound of those steel wheels turning on the tracks, my three friends appeared out of nowhere. One minute I was alone on the highway and the next there they were. Samuel approached and said, “We saw you with your thumb out. Have you given up your reservation for your Pullman berth?”

I must have looked perplexed because Jake interjected with, “He means, if ya still want to ride the rails, come with us.”

None of them waited for a reply. By the time I decided that it might be interesting traveling with those guys for a day or so, they were twenty yards ahead of me. I picked up my suitcase and ran to catch up. It was a momentous decision to follow those three hobos, but the short time I would spend with them helped shape and define the man I would one day become.

By the time I caught up, they had reached the tracks and were watching the cars go by. The train was moving slowly—one or two miles per hour. And as the green car approached, my friends started walking in the same direction as the train. When the car they wanted came abreast, one by one, they tossed their gear through the open door and hoisted themselves up and onto the floor. When all three were aboard, they stood in the doorway looking down at me. The train was now starting to pick up speed. Jake told me to toss my grip up to him, which I did. Then Ying got down on his knees and said, “Give me your hand.” I was running by then, trying to keep up. I stuck out my right arm and Ying grabbed hold of my hand and lifted my one-hundred-sixty pounds as though I weighed no more than a feather.

Once they got me aboard, we went back to the corner where the crates were and made ourselves comfortable. Samuel looked over at me and said, “Young traveler, I could tell from your hesitation you have not availed yourself of this means of transit before; you must be careful when alighting onto one of these chariots. I saw a man slip and fall beneath the wheels as he was trying to effect ingress onto a conveyance of this type. He lost both his legs. Furthermore, exiting while moving, no matter how slow, is difficult at best, and bone-breaking at its worst.”

Jake intervened with, “Don’t worry, kid, we’ll show ya the ropes.”

After that, no one spoke. Ying cleaned his fingernails with the knife he had used to slice the cheese. Samuel took a paperback out of his back pocket and started to read. Jake … well, I don’t know what he was doing. If I didn’t think it highly unlikely, I would have said he was meditating. Me, I got tired of sitting around and walked over to the door, sat down with my legs dangling over the side, and watched the desert pass by.

Jake eventually walked over and sat down next to me. He got his long legs dangling next to mine, but he didn’t say anything for the longest time. At length, he said, “You in a rush to git where ya goin’?”

I did not know where I was headed. I had told them Miami, but that wasn’t one hundred percent true. I was allowing myself to be blown along on the winds of chance. Like being picked up by someone who says to me, “I’m heading to New York to catch Janis Joplin at the Fillmore East and I’ve got an extra ticket. Wanna come along?” Things of that sort were always happening to me in those days. If nothing interesting turned up by the time I hit the east coast, I’d hang a right and head for Miami for a visit with the folks. So, my answer to Jake’s question was, “No, I’m in no rush to go anywhere, not really.”

“Well, me and the boys thought we’d extend an invite for you to tag along with us for a while. Kinda’ show you the way of the road. Teach you things that took us time—a whole lotta time—to git through our thick heads.”

I turned my head to look at this man I had met only an hour earlier and informed him that I had been on the road for over a year and had learned a few things along the way. He just smiled and said, “Boy, there are roads and there are roads. If you’re not interested, then I’ll bother ya no further.”

“Hang on, Jake, you’ve got me wrong. I’d be honored to accompany you three, and I thank you for the invitation. I just wanted you to know that I’m not entirely wet behind the ears.”

“Okay, Andrew. It’s Andrew, right?”

“Yes.”

“Why not come over and sit with us, and we’ll talk.”

When we got back to Ying and Samuel, Jake nodded at them. Well, at Ying anyway. Samuel still had his nose in the book he was reading. As we sat down, Samuel looked up, so I had a chance to ask him what he was reading. “Steinbeck’s The Grapes of Wrath. You ever read it?”

“Yeah, about a year ago. I liked it. I also read East of Eden, but I just didn’t get it.”

Samuel looked at me and slowly shook his head. “I understand. I read Eden when I was your age. And like you, I did not appreciate the writing or the storytelling. May I suggest you reread it in a few decades? I think you will have a whole new take on it once you have some life under your belt. But we were discussing The Grapes of Wrath. This is my third reading. I love this book; it is writing at its finest. But what I love most about it is the last page. When Rose of Sharon bends over the dying man … you remember? … the man who had not eaten in a week or more? He had given what little food there was to his son. Well, when she kneels down to his prostrate body, unbuttons her shirt and starts to give him the milk that was intended for her baby who had been stillborn less than a few hours before … damn! That got to me.”

I noticed that he was not speaking in the affected manner he had used earlier. He must have read my thoughts because he said, “You’re wondering why I’m not speaking like Mr. La De Da any longer, aren’t you?”

“I guess so. You do sound different.”

“I only speak that way around strangers, never with friends.”

So, there it was. I had been accepted.

As we sat talking and looking out at the cactus plants and Yucca trees, their shadows shrank from their western side until they disappeared altogether, only to reemerge on the eastern side. A small, timid shadow at first, but as the day lengthened, so did the shadows of the cacti and the Yuccas. Soon they would be as long as their more substantial partners were tall. Then they would die for the night, only to be reborn the next morning.

When the shadows had gotten as long as they were likely to get, I asked what we were going to do about something to eat. Ying offered what was left of the cheese. I was mighty hungry by then, but if I was going to eat alone, I’d rather not. And as no one else spoke up and said that the cheese was a good idea, I politely thanked Ying and said I would eat when everyone else did.

Because the light was fading, Samuel had put his book away. He looked at Jake and asked, “What time you figure we’ll hit Lubbock?”

“I reckon we’ll be in just about suppertime.”

Samuel turned to me and said, “We’ll be leaving this comfortable abode in Lubbock. This train heads to Chicago from there. After a night to replenish ourselves and our stores, we’ll catch the 108 the next morning; it will be heading east to Dallas. Then the 310 to Little Rock, and after that, it’s old 19 to Atlanta where we’ll split up.”

I thought what I had just heard was amazing. How did this guy know the timetable of freight trains? Did freight trains even have timetables? So I asked, “How the hell do you know a given train will be there waiting for you when you arrive in a city?”

“Freight trains have a tighter schedule than passenger trains. There are goods on them that people have bought and paid for. And those goods have to get out to market for the railroad company’s customers to make a profit. If their customers don’t make money, the railroad doesn’t make money. If there are delays, companies will use the teamsters and their trucks to get their goods to market. So the trains are very dependable. And you shouldn’t hop a train unless you know where it’s going. That is your first lesson, my young friend.”

By then it had gotten dark. Jake and I sat in the doorway looking at the desert, the stars, and the lights of the small towns as we passed. I asked Jake what Samuel and Ying were up to. It was too dark inside the car. I couldn’t see into the corner that we had made our headquarters. “Knowing those two, they’re probably asleep. They can sleep in the damndest places and under the dangdest circumstances.”

I had been wondering what Samuel meant when he said they, or I guess now it was we, were going to split up when we got to Atlanta. So I asked Jake, “Don’t you guys travel together?”

“Sometimes we do, like now. Guys on the road are basically loners, but no matter how much ya like being alone, sometimes it’s good to have a partner to chew the fat with.”

I just had to ask, “Where are you going and where are they going?”

“Well, Ying is going to New York and Samuel will be staying in Atlanta. Me, I haven’t decided yet. We just ran into each other at the stop before we met up with you. We’ve known each other for a while now, but the three of us haven’t been in the same place at the same time for two, maybe two and a half years now. I ran into Ying about a year ago and we traveled together for a few days. But Samuel and I haven’t seen each other since the last time the three of us were all together.”

About then the train was slowing down, and Ying and Samuel joined us at the door. Jake stood and said, “We better get our gear.” We, meaning him and I; the others were standing there, grips in hand. After we returned, Samuel asked if I had ever jumped from a moving train. I had to admit that I had not.

“Well,” said he, “here are lessons two and three. Always leave the train before it gets into the yard. If not, the bulls will see you and then there’ll be hell to pay. Next, when jumping from a moving train, toss your grip out first. Don’t try to jump with it; you’ll need both your hands. Then sit down like you were before, with your legs outside, and place your hands on the floor on either side of your body and push off. It’s going to be hard to keep your balance, but after the first few times, you’ll get the hang of it. Just remember to push off as far from the car as you can. You don’t want to slip under any wheels.”

By then the train had slowed enough so we could jump off without killing ourselves. Samuel was the first to throw his bag out the door. Then he sat down and said, “Watch how I do it.”

After the three of them were on the ground, it was my turn. I did everything I was told but still landed flat on my face.

Once we collected our gear and got away from the yard, Jake informed me it was time to forage for some vittles.

“Did you just say vittles?” asked Samuel.

“He sure as hell did, I heard him,” affirmed Ying. Ying then added, “Okay, Mr. Vittles, you take the kid. Me and Samuel will meet you at the jungle.”

The foraging for food took the form of going to the back doors of houses and asking for a handout. I had done the same thing on occasion, but my modus operandi was restaurants, or more precisely a restaurant’s back door. Anyway, Jake said the best pickings were in the poor section of a town. “You never get turned down. Next are middle class neighborhoods. You stand a fifty-fifty chance in that neck of the woods. And last are the rich neighborhoods. Unless the cook answers the door, you might as well forget about getting anything outta that house. Ain’t it funny that the people with nothing are willing to share what little they have, while those with everything are afraid to part with even the slightest bit of what they have?”

Jake told the people we asked a handout from that I was his son and we were going to Florida to pick oranges. After hitting three houses, we had all that we could carry, so we headed for the “jungle.” Jungle, as in hobo jungle.

In the 1930s, during the depression, every town and city had a hobo jungle, usually on its outskirts. In those days, depending on the size of the town, the denizens of any given jungle could number anywhere from twenty to close to a hundred. However, in the late 60s, the number rarely exceeded five or six. In the jungle Jake brought me to, outside of Lubbock, Texas, there were eight of us. Us four and four other guys.

By the time Jake and I reached the camp, Ying and Samuel were already there waiting for us. It had been a good foraging expedition for all of us. A couple of cans of soup, a large can of baked beans, various portions of assorted chickens, both fried and broiled, a tub of homemade potato salad, and the piece dé resistance, a bottle of bourbon.

Jake asked, “Where’d you guys get the booze?”

Samuel put forth, “Don’t include me in Ying’s larceny.”

In his defense, Ying claimed an altruistic motive in procuring said booze. “You see, it was lying on the front seat of this Oldsmobile. Now if I had left it there, it may have been a temptation to the driver. He may have weakened and started drinking before he arrived home. He might have caused an accident, either from being distracted while taking a swig or after having become intoxicated. I think freeing that poor soul of temptation is my good deed for the day.” Jake shrugged, Samuel shook his head, and I just looked at the three of them and wondered what I had fallen into.

There was a fire going when Jake and I arrived. Sitting around it were our buddies, Ying and Samuel, and the four other gentlemen. There was Montana Jack, a lean and weathered cowboy, Stetson and all. And then there was Charlie, who was dressed in a business suit. The only problem was that it was two sizes too big for him and it was practically in tatters. Then there was Missouri Mike, fiftyish with a full head of white hair with a shock of black just off center on the left side. And last, and probably least, there was Frisco Pete. Yeah, I know, it sounds like a name a bandit would have in a “B” movie. But ol’ Frisco was a hippie. The funny thing is that he had never been to San Francisco; he was on his way there for the first time. Of course, he had the prerequisite long hair that hung down past his shoulders. (Something I had not seen before.) He kept staring up at the stars and saying, “Groovy.”

I know what you’re thinking, “What happened to Charlie? Why didn’t he have a colorful handle like the rest? Something like, ‘Cimarron Charlie’. The answer to your question is I don’t know.

After the introductions were out of the way, we settled down to partake of our collation. And I must say, after not having eaten all day, it was one of the finest meals I’d ever had. Of course, my traveling companions, being who they were, insisted that any of the others who were hungry should put on the feedbag and join us.

With the meal behind us, we sat around the fire like contented potentates of the East, rubbing our stomachs and scratching our butts. After a few minutes, Jake said to Ying, “Ya saving that bourbon for Judgment Day, or ya gonna break it out before the end of the century?” Ying smiled the inscrutable smile of the Chinese, reached behind him, and pulled out the bottle.

It was then that we heard the rustling in the woods. It came from behind us, and I turned to see, through the low-hanging branches of the trees, the light from flashlights—maybe two, maybe more—bobbing up and down. A low murmur accompanied the lights. A few seconds later, the murmur gave way to voices—men’s voices. And they did not sound any too happy. I got the impression they were not a deputation from Lubbock to present us with the key to the city.

All at once, ten armed men burst into the little clearing in which, until a moment ago, we were enjoying each other’s company and repartee. Most of the men were holding hunting rifles, but a few of them held handguns. The one thing all the guns had in common was the fact that they all, and I mean all of ’em, were pointed at us.

We just sat there staring at them, and they stared right back at us. I’m sure our mouths where hanging open. Theirs were not. Finally, after what seemed an interminable amount of time, one of the men stepped forward and said, “You there by the fire, stand up!” When we hesitated, he added, “I’m talkin’ to you hobos over there. All of you git your asses up!” I looked over to Jake for some kind of guidance. He looked me in the eye and gave me one of his famous shrugs, then he stood up and the rest of us followed his lead.

When we all were standing, the gunmen fanned out behind their leader to form a semi-circle before us. Once his men were in place, the head asshole felt it was time to give his little speech.

“We don’t want your types in our city. We keep clearing this place out, tellin’ ya not to come back, but here ya are again. Ya’all just won’t listen.”

It was then that ol’ Frisco, the hippie, decided to play his ace in the hole. “Excuse me, sir, but I’ve never been here before.”

The leader turned to Frisco and said, “Shut your mouth!” He started to turn away, but stopped in mid-turn and did a double take. He was looking at Frisco’s long hair. He told his men to keep an eye on the rest of us and walked over to Frisco and said, “Are you in one of them Beatle bands?”

I reckon the guy didn’t want or expect an answer. He looked Frisco up and down a few times, then turned to the rest of us and announced—while holding a bullwhip up the air with his right hand, “Well boys, we’re gonna’ teach ya’all a little lesson this time. One of you is gonna hug a tree and take a few lashes from my friend here, while the rest of ya watch. Ya gittin’ off easy this time.”

He dropped his arm and continued, “Now let me see, who’s it gonna be?” His eyes, lighted by the fire and reflecting the flames, looked evil. But I suppose his eyes would have looked evil buying his child an ice cream cone down at the corner drug store.

He looked at each one us in turn. When he came to me, he said, “What are you doing here, boy?” Before I could answer, Jake stepped in front of me and said, “He’s my son. His ma died this spring and I’m taking him to see his grandmother. He just enlisted to fight in Viet Nam. He’s gotta report in three weeks. I lost my job at the plant, so we had no money for a bus; that’s why we’re here.”

The guy responded. “I didn’t ask for no life story.” But you could see that Jake’s bullshit had had an effect on the stupid fuck.

After the exchange with Jake, the guy continued his perusal of the rest of our conclave. Then he came to Samuel. And oh, how his face did light up! A broad smile played across his lips as he intoned, “Boys, I think I found me the perfect candidate for our little lesson tonight.”

And then from out of the crowd behind him, a voice rang out, “Hey, Dick, can’t we hurry this along? My wife says I’ve gotta be home by nine to watch the kids. She got an auxiliary meetin’ tonight.”

At that point, two things went through my mind. One, what a perfect name for the leader of this bunch … Dick! If I wasn’t so scared shitless, I would have laughed out loud. And two, what auxiliary did that guy’s wife belong to? The Klan’s?

It was about then that Jake figured he better do something, but it sure wasn’t anything I could understand. He leaned into me and whispered, “Follow my lead, keep ya yap shut and do what I tell you without hesitation and don’t ask any fool questions.”

Dick told his men to grab hold of Samuel, though he used a pejorative rather than Samuel’s name. Three men laid their guns against a tree and approached Samuel. To his credit, Samuel did not back up or give even the slightest indication of fear. Two of the men grabbed his arms, while the third tied a rope to his left wrist. They then led him over to a large tree. The trunk was about ten feet in circumference. They put Samuel facing the tree, placing his arms so that they encompassed the trunk as far around as they could go, and then tied the free end of the rope to his right wrist. So this is what Dick meant by “hug a tree.” The men stepped back to admire their handiwork. Nodding their approval, they retrieved their guns and rejoined the other assholes.

That was when Jake went into his act. He cleared his throat loud enough to get Dick’s attention, took a step forward and said, “Excuse me, sir. I happen to agree with you and your methods. My son and I are heartily sorry for intruding into your fair city. If we had known which way the wind was blowin’, we would never have stopped here for a rest. But seein’ how my boy is about to go off and fight those Godless Commies in the defense of his country, do you think you might spare him the sight of this necessary, but still vexatious, act you are about to perform?”

Of course, Dick didn’t know what vexatious meant. Jake later told me that he used the word because he couldn’t think of another word for horrific, and he didn’t think Dick would have appreciated that particular word.

Anyway, after mulling it over, ol’ Dick decided to be magnanimous and granted us permission to leave. When told we could go, Jake again leaned into me and whispered, “Get your case and the bottle of booze. Use your case to hide it. I don’t want anyone to see it. Hurry up, we don’t have much time.” He picked up his bedroll and started for the road that ran by the camp. As he passed Ying, I saw him wink. He was moving so fast I had to run to catch up. When I came up next to him, I asked if we were just going to leave Samuel there to be whipped. “I thought I told you not to ask any fool questions,” was his only reply.

When we got near the road, we ran into two pickup trucks. “This is what I wanted to see,” said Jake. He opened the door to the closest one, and while taking out a pocketknife he said, “See if the keys are in the other one.”

“Yeah, they’re here.”

“Okay, kid, we got to move fast if we’re to keep Samuel’s suffering to a minimum. Push that truck out onto the road. Once there, start her up and drive about a quarter mile towards the town. Then pull off to the side into some trees, but keep her facing the road. Be ready to take off in a hurry. And keep the lights off. Now give me that bottle of booze.”

I stood there and watched him open the knife. He slit the upholstery and pulled out the stuffing, then unscrewed the top off the bourbon bottle and poured the contents onto the seat. As he lifted his head out of the cab of the pickup, he saw me. “You still here?”

Taking the hint, I went over to the other truck, put it in neutral, and started to push it towards the road. Halfway there, I turned to look back to see what Jake was up to. I was just in time to see him light a match and throw it into the cab of the pickup.

Whoosh! The goddamn thing caught on fire. But that was all I had time to observe. I had my marching orders and I was determined to carry them out to the best of my ability. Later I learned what happened while I waited in the truck down the road.

After Jake had a good fire going and there was no chance of it going out by itself, he ran back to the camp. He got there just as Dick had administered the third lash to Samuel’s back. As his arm came back for lash number four, Jake called out that there was a pickup truck on fire down by the road. That stopped Dick in mid-motion. His arm fell to his side and he went over to Jake and asked, “What did you say?”

“I said there’s a truck on fire down at the road. Just as me and my boy were coming out of the woods, we saw three white boys climb into another truck and hightail it out toward that county road. Then, as we got even with the other truck, flames leapt out at us from inside. She must have a good burn going by now.”

That was all he had to say. The vigilantes stopped pointing their guns at Ying and the others and ran through the woods from whence they came. Ying told me they were steppin’ and fetchin’ big time and he laughed at the memory of it.

Jake still had his knife open and in his hand. He went over to cut Samuel free. Before he had cut halfway through the rope, Ying was there with his own knife, cutting the rope at Samuel’s right wrist. Jake got through the rope first and said to Ying, “He’s free, we can take care of that later. Let’s git the hell outta’ here.” Jake helped Samuel while Ying gathered their gear. They found their way to the truck in which I was waiting. By the way, just as a matter of note, by the time Ying and Jake were helping Samuel out of the camp, our four compatriots were nowhere to be seen.

I did ask Jake why he said white boys had started the fire and stolen the other truck. His answer: “So they wouldn’t go messin’ with no black folk or hobos who may be passing through their shit-hole of a town.” That was Jake; one minute he was sounding like the dumbest hick the good Lord ever made, and the next he was using words like vexatious and thinking three steps ahead of the rest of us.

The upshot was this. We drove the stolen pickup back to the freight yard where Jake, Ying, and Samuel got out. I was told to ditch the truck at least a mile from the yard and walk back. We hid out in an abandoned shed until our train was ready to leave. During the night, we attended to, or I should say Ying attended to, Samuel’s wounds. He had some Chinese shit that he said would fix Samuel right up. And it did. The next day, the rips in his flesh did not bleed through his shirt. When the train started to move, we ran to it and, one by one, jumped on board.

As we pulled out of Lubbock, Texas, I was thinking that nothing in my life would ever be anywhere near as exciting as the previous night had been. But I might have been wrong.

Because we had not slept the night before, we spent that day’s wayfaring in repose. The floor was hard, but surprisingly clean. I awoke in the late afternoon only to find that the others were already awake and sitting at the door watching the world go by or at least that little part of it that was known as western Texas. I joined them, and as I was sitting down, I asked, “So what’s for breakfast?”

“We’ll be there in less than an hour. Then we’ll forage before going to the camp,” answered Jake.

Samuel added, “Hopefully, Ying will remove temptation from some poor soul’s car again. I sure could use the help of some spirits. My back is hurting something awful.”

Ying looked at Samuel, “I’ll see what I can arrange.”

And that was it. None of us spoke until we got to the outskirts of Dallas. Then Jake said, “Okay, boys, time to detrain.”

Of course, I fell flat on my face again, but no harm done. I stood up and dusted myself off and said to no one in particular, “I’ll get the hang of it if it kills me.” Well, I’m still here, but I never did get the hang of it.

The first neighborhood we came to after having left the train was a good one for cadging food, if not an entire meal, or so I was informed by Samuel and seconded by Jake and Ying.

We split up as we had the night before. And as we had the night before, I played the part of Jake’s son. Once we had all the food we could carry and were on our way to the camp, Jake told me the “son dodge” was the best. He had never gotten food so easily, and he asked if I would travel with him, at least until I lost my youthful appearance. He was kidding on the square, but I was noncommittal nevertheless.

When we reached the camp, Ying and Samuel were nowhere to be seen. However, there were other inhabitants milling about. There was also a raging fire, about three times the size of the one in Lubbock, and sitting around the fire were six men. As we walked up, they gave a brief nod, but went right back to talking among themselves. Also at the fire, ensconced upon a throne of an old La-Z-Boy type recliner with the white stuffing showing through rips and tears in the fabric, sat an old black man with a full head of white hair. When Jake saw him, he whispered under his breath, “I’ll be goddamned!” I asked Jake who the guy was, but received no reply, probably because he was already three steps ahead of me, hurrying on his way to the man in the chair. Not knowing what else to do, I followed Jake.

When we got closer, I saw that the man’s face was gaunt; he looked downright emaciated. His cheeks were hollow and his cheekbones seemed very pronounced. His head sat upon a thin body and he looked to be about six feet tall, but it was hard to tell because he was sitting down.

When Jake reached the man, he said, “Hey, Oracle! It’s me … Jake.” I was right behind Jake and that is when I observed the most remarkable thing about the man called Oracle. As he turned his head in Jake’s and my direction, I saw that he had not iris nor pupil in either eye; there was only white showing. The man was blind, totally blind. It was an eerie sight indeed. If not for the broad smile upon his face, I’d say he looked like one of those zombies in a “B” movie from the 1950s.

Jake reached out his right hand and laid it on the man’s shoulder, saying, “How ya been, old stick?” I didn’t know if he was referring to the thinness of the man’s body, or if “stick” was a term of endearment.

Oracle kept his smile, nodded his head, and exclaimed, “Jake, you old shit-kicker. When did you blow in?”

“Just got here. You been here long?”

“Me and Marvin been here two days. Probably leave tomorrow. We’re headin’ for sunny California.”

“Oracle, I want you to meet a young protégée of mine. I’ve been teaching him the ways of the road. Well, with a little help from Ying and Samuel.”

“Are those shit-kickers here too?”

“Yeah, they’ll be along presently, but this here is Andrew. He hasn’t even hit his majority yet and he’s out hoppin’ freights.”

Oracle extended his right hand. I did likewise, and we shook hands. “Glad to meet ya, Andrew. Any friend of Jake’s is a friend of mine.”

I verbalized the same sentiment by saying, “Same here.”

After the introduction, Oracle invited us to have a seat and take a load off. Then he said, “Marvin’s out cadgin’ us some eats. Why don’t you fellas join us?”

Jake replied, “We just came in from a foraging expedition of our own, we’ve got plenty.”

Eventually Samuel and Ying walked into the camp. When they saw Oracle, they had the same reaction that Jake had. They rushed to him, shook his hand, and shot the shit for a few minutes. Then it was time to eat. Ying and Samuel laid their plunder next to our plunder, and I must admit, the four of us made quite a haul that night. We were discussing what to eat and what to save for the next day when Marvin walked in. Of course, it was a repeat of when Jake had first spied Oracle. It was old home week. It was then that I found out who the hell Marvin was. When introduced to him, I was told that he was Oracle’s traveling companion. You see, Oracle was in his sixties and Marvin was about thirty. They had hooked up more than a dozen years earlier when Marvin was a skinny teenager who had just run away from home and didn’t know the ways of the road, and Oracle’s sidekick at the time had just been hit by a highballer out of St. Louis, killing him instantly—leaving Oracle without a set of eyes. They’d been together ever since.

Ying was the chef of the outfit. As he opened cans and put them next to the fire, making sure to turn them every once in awhile so both sides would heat up, he laid out the already cooked food, like chicken, and the slab of meatloaf that Jake and I got from a very nice lady who flirted with him as she wrapped the meatloaf in wax paper. Jake extended an invitation to the other men congregated around the fire. His offer was politely declined. I think they were too busy passing a bottle of rye between them to stop for something to eat.

When Jake noticed the rye across the fire, he said to Ying, “That reminds me. Any luck in the booze department?”

Ying looked up from his culinary duties and informed Jake that, to date, he had never let him down and he wasn’t about to start. “Look under my coat over there on the log. You’ll find an almost full jar; I was going to surprise you after dinner.” Jake walked over to where Ying had indicated, lifted his leather coat, and there on the log sat a mason jar—you know, the kind they put up preserves in. It had a rubber gasket and metal hinge that secured the lid. This jar was about nine inches high and held what looked like water. As Jake held the jar up to the light of the fire, he asked Ying, “Where cha get it?”

Ying’s answer: “You don’t want to know.”

Jake walked to where I was sitting and sat down on his heels. He flipped up the metal hinge, removed the top, and inhaled deeply. “I must say, a mighty fine bouquet.”

Turning to me he asked, “Andrew boy, you ever had any shine? You ever have any sweet mountain dew?” I had to inform him that I didn’t know what the hell he was talking about. “I’m talkin’ about moonshine, boy. Nectar of the gods.”

“Well, if that’s what you’re talking about, then no, I’ve never had any moonshine.”

“Well, Andrew my friend, you are in for a real treat. It’s best enjoyed after dinner because to partake beforehand you won’t want any dinner. However, seeing as how you’re a cherry, take a swig, it’ll get the gastric juices flowing.” He handed me the jar, adding, “Make the first one small; it’ll set your throat afire.” Of course, I’m thinking that I’m cool; I’ve drunk 151 proof Wild Turkey bourbon, so this watery-looking stuff can hold no surprises for me.

I didn’t take a small pull as advised. It’s funny that, when you’re eighteen, you have all the wisdom of the world. You know everything. But as the years pass, that knowledge gets whittled down until you’re as ignorant as the rest of humanity. So, knowing all, I gulped a mouthful of 190 proof liquor. I reckon you all know what happened next. It burned all the way down and exploded like a mini A-bomb in my stomach. I then started coughing and choking. If not for Jake being ready for just such a contingency, the jar’s contents would have been lost. But just in the nick of time, Jake took the jar from my hand and saved me from spilling the precious liquid onto the ground. All had a great laugh at my expense—even Oracle and the six guys swigging rye on the other side of the fire.

Ying prepared our spread, Marvin prepared his and Oracle’s, and they both rang the dinner bell at the same time. So, when my coughing and the accompanying laughter subsided, we all sat down to a meal fit for a king. That is, if the king liked beans, cold chicken, meatloaf, and raw carrots.

I sat next to Oracle while we ate, and he started asking me questions about my life. After we had exhausted all the small talk, he asked what had precipitated my going on the road. I told him it was something inside of me that I had always, for as long as I could remember, wanted to know what was at the end of the road. I told him that as a kid, I would see a train of boxcars sitting on a siding and have the urge to jump into an empty one and ride the train to wherever it was going just to see what was at the end of the line.

He asked me if I had ever read On the Road by Kerouac. When I answered in the affirmative, he asked what I thought of it. Before answering, I asked him if he knew the story. With him being blind, I couldn’t ask if he had read it. Well, he looked right at me with those sightless eyes of his and said, “I read the damn book. Does that surprise you?” It sure as hell did. Then he explained that he had read it in braille, you know, the raised dots. I don’t think it’s in use anymore, what with audio books and all.

“There are books,” he said, “in braille in almost every library. Usually when we hit a town, Marvin and I search out a library and we’ll spend the day there reading. We can’t check out any books because we’re not members of the community, but we’re both fast readers and we both love books. And if we’re in a small town with no books in braille, Marvin and I will sit in a corner of the library and he will quietly read to me. But tell me now; what was your take on Kerouac’s Road?”

“I guess when it came out it was quite scandalous. But I found it rather boring. I’ve been on the road, hitchhiking, for more than a year and a half, and I’ve had more adventures, been in more weird and bad situations in a week than he experienced the whole time he was ‘on the road’. And it’s no wonder; he took a bus everywhere he went! I mean, how are you going to meet people and get into their lives if you’re sitting on a goddamn bus? He should have called it On the Bus.”

When I finished speaking, Oracle let out with a good belly laugh and said, “I guess great minds do think alike. That was my take on the book also. I kept waiting for something exciting to happen. I had to stop reading it three-quarters of the way through.”

And so it went; we ate and we talked of books. It was because of Oracle that I read Tolstoy, Mailer, Dostoevsky, Hesse, and countless others that he said I should check out. He also told me of the ponderous books that would be a waste of time. Authors like Nietzsche and Balzac. “Stay away from Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche and Honoré de Balzac,” he advised. “They’re more long-winded than I am, and that’s saying something.”

Of course, I knew of Nietzsche and Balzac, but this guy knew their full names! Oracle was a well-read and intelligent man who spent his life in the pursuit of knowledge. You and I should be as well read and as intelligent.

By the time we had finished eating, the other members of our little assemblage, the guys with the rye, were somewhere out there in the darkness. They had finished their drinking for the night, probably because the bottle was empty, and had gone off to find a place to sleep, away from the fire and the scintillating conversation. Ying was breaking up a wooden crate and throwing the wood on the fire to build it up when Samuel asked Oracle to tell us a story.

I think I should digress for a moment and tell you what I learned of Oracle the next day as we were Little Rock bound. Of course, Oracle was not his real name. I never did learn the name he was born with; I don’t think anyone knew his appellation. But here are the pertinent facts: Oracle was gifted with Second Sight. He could tell a man’s past, having just met him. He knew the secret desires hidden within, and more often than not, he could foretell the future. I guess they didn’t call him Oracle for nothing.

Oracle had an amazing track record when it came to seeing into someone’s future. In fact, he was so good at it, he had stopped relaying the information he saw in his visions. I learned that when he had a vision he was not blind. He saw colors. He saw rainbows. He saw the faces of the people his vision concerned.

Once it was known that his predictions were right most of the time, men tended to alter their lives in anticipation of the event prophesized. Oracle told me it was not his intention to influence the lives of men. So even though he still had visions, he kept them to himself unless it was a vision like the one he told us about that night.

The fire lit Oracle’s face, illuminating the white in his eye sockets. I sat spellbound as Oracle told us of the entity we know as God, and the creation of this universe. There is no such thing as death. “We are immortal, we are gods!” said he. It was a good tale for the fact that the things he spoke of that night so long ago have stayed with me. The things I heard that night propelled me, later in life, to go on a journey—a journey of discovery. It took me twenty-two years and a lot of time in a lot of libraries. This was before the internet. But I finally came to an understanding about life, and I owe it all to Oracle.

When he had finished speaking, Oracle sat back in his chair, tilted his head skyward, and sighed. I, on the other hand, sat in front of the fire with my mouth open. It was late by then. It was time to hit the hay.

As we got up and made ready to bed down, Oracle said to Ying, “Ying, my friend, there is a bad moon on the rise; please take care of your yellow ass.”

The next morning we said our goodbyes to Marvin and Oracle. And as I shook his hand, Oracle confided in me, “When you’re my age, you will write of your youthful adventures. In one of your stories, I will be mentioned; make sure you tell your readers how handsome I was.” And then he laughed. Because, at the time, I had not been told of his Second Sight, I said to him that I did not expect to make it to thirty, let alone sixty. He just smiled and said, “You just might make it if you keep your nose clean and play your cards right.”

We jumped the 310 to Little Rock and settled in for the last ride the four of us would take together. 310 refers to the number of the locomotive, not the time of departure. How those guys knew the numbers of the trains is beyond me. The numbers of the diesels were not painted on the front as they had been in the old “steam” days.

The only thing of note to report about our trip to Little Rock is that the train pulled onto a siding where we sat for three or four hours. The delay kept us from getting into Little Rock until it was too late to knock on any back doors, so we pooled our meager resources and sent Ying to the nearest liquor store. We had decided to drink our supper that evening. Or they had, and I just went along. When Ying returned with a bottle wrapped in a brown paper bag, we set out for Little Rock’s hobo camp.

As we approached, we saw no fire through the trees and heard no voices. “Looks like we got the place to ourselves,” announced Jake.

There was a full moon, so we had no trouble finding wood with which to build a fire. Once we got it going, we sat around passing the bottle of Jim Beam among us. As Ying tilted his head back to take a deep pull from the bottle, he hesitated and said, "You guys think that moon up there is the one Oracle meant?”

“If it is, you better pass that bottle over here before the motherfucker falls on ya,” exclaimed Jake.

Just then I heard a voice behind me. “Well, well, if it ain’t my old friend Ying Lee.” My butt came about three inches off the ground because there was not supposed to be anyone there.

Ying stopped looking at the moon and handed Jake the bottle before he said, “Nick Testa, what the fuck are ya doin’ here?”

“Just lucky, I guess. I’ve been lookin’ for ya, pal. Where ya been hiding?”

By now, Jake and Samuel were on their feet and moving to the voice behind me, which prompted me to finally turn around. What I saw was a man about five and a half feet tall, with maybe three or four day’s growth of beard. He was wearing an old dark blue suit, no tie of course, and he had in his hand the biggest goddamn pistol I have ever seen. They’re all big when they’re pointed in your general direction.

As Jake and Samuel started for him, the man Ying had called Nick Testa raised the gun and swung it from side to side, telling them to stop where they were if they didn’t want a piece of the action. Ying chimed in: “Hey, Nicky boy, this is between you and me. Let’s leave others out of it.”

It was about that time I decided to stand up also. In effect, the guy had us covered. Why he was holding a gun on us I knew not. However, I did know that it did not bode well for my friend Ying once I looked into the man’s eyes; they were filled with hate.

Before we get down to the nitty gritty, allow me to fill you in on what I later learned. The whole confrontment was because of something that happened either three or four years—depending on who was telling the story—prior to the night in question. Samuel swore it was three years, and Jake was just as adamant that the nexus to that night happened four years earlier. Regardless of the time frame, this is what brought Nick Testa and his gun to our campsite that night forty-seven years ago.

The three of them, Jake, Ying, and Samuel, were headed west, just south of Detroit, when the train pulled into a yard, or siding, I forget which. The point is the train stopped. It was in the early morning hours and they had been asleep. They were awakened by the sound of a suitcase being thrown into the car and slamming onto the floor. The suitcase was soon followed by the dark figure of a man. They thought nothing more of it and tried to go back to sleep. Now, the thing is, there had been a mattress in the car when my three future friends climbed on board. It must have been brought there by an enterprising hobo. It was only wide enough for one, so Samuel took out three wooden matches from his shirt pocket and broke one in half, then putting them between thumb and forefinger, told the other two to choose. The one ending up with the short match would get the mattress. Long story short, Ying won the right of a comfortable night’s sleep. When the intruder climbed into the car, he found Ying lying on the mattress and kicked the souls of his shoes.

When riding the rails, or when in a hobo jungle, you always sleep with your shoes on, it becomes second nature because if you don’t, they’ll very likely be gone when you wake up. Anyway, Ying ignored the first couple of kicks, hoping the guy would just give up and go to his own corner and go to sleep. But that didn’t happen, so finally Ying raised his head and said, “What do you want?”

“I want you outta my bed.”

Ying sat up and informed the man that there must be some mistake. By then, Samuel and Jake were propped up on their elbows, watching what was taking place in the dim light. When the man repeated his demand for Ying to vacate the mattress, Ying politely asked, “Would you please say that again?” But before the man could utter a word, Ying lashed out at him with his right foot, connecting with the man’s left knee.

The guy went down hard, all the while yelling and cursing. Jake said his howling was so loud, they thought it would bring every bull within miles to their car. When the man hit the floor, even though the light was dim, Ying recognized him and said, “Nick Testa, is that you?”

“Goddamn it, Lee. You likely broke my knee!”

It turned out that they had worked together for a summer at a fish cannery in the Northwest. But they never did like one another or, as it was explained to me, Testa did not have any use for Ying. To quote Samuel, “He’s a racist son-of-a-bitch!”

The train started moving about the same time the two old comrades-in-arms realized they knew one another. At that juncture, Ying raised himself from the bed, stood over Testa, and said, “I’ve got to get my beauty rest, and with you here, I wouldn’t be able to close my eyes for fear of waking up with my throat cut from ear to ear.” He grabbed Testa by the back of his shirt, and dragged him over to the open door Testa had just come through moments before.

When they got to the opening, Ying said, “Here, let me help you. Let’s see if you can stand on that leg.” He reached down, and taking hold of Testa under his arms, raised him to a standing position.

Ying: “How’s that?”

Testa: “It hurts like hell.”

Ying: “Good!”

And with that, he pushed Testa out of the moving car. Then he kicked his suitcase out after him.

Now back to the ranch, so to speak. When we left off, Testa was holding a gun on us. More so on Ying than the rest of us. He told Jake and Samuel to move down next to Ying, which they did, though very slowly. He finally acknowledged my existence by saying, “You got no part of this, boy. If you want, you can leave now.”

You know it never entered my mind to leave. Those guys were my friends. The time I had known them did not matter, the depth and commitment of the friendship was what mattered. “No, thank you. I’ll stay with my friends,” was the only response I could give and still be able to look at myself in a mirror.

Once we were grouped together on the other side of the fire, Testa took a few steps in our direction. It was then that I noticed he walked with a limp. He stopped about ten feet in front of us and said, “Mr. Lee, I have something to say to you.”

Ying said to be quick about it. “You interrupted my drinking, so get on with whatever ya got in mind.”

“Always the chink wise-ass, ain’t ya, Lee?”

Ying shrugged his shoulders and stared at Testa. I saw no fear in his eyes.

“I’ve been carrying this hog-leg Colt since our last meeting. You crippled me and threw me off a moving train. And I aim to get mine back. Now you other fellas just stay outta this. It ain’t no concern of yours. I don’t want to hurt you, but I will if you interfere.”

He stopped speaking for a moment, took a deep breath, smiled and said, “Mr. Lee, if you’ll please, take two steps forward.” Ying did not hesitate. Without looking at any of us, he took first one step, then another, but he did not stop there. He rushed Testa and when he was five paces from him, Testa fired. He got off two shots before Ying collided with him and they both went down.

Before they hit the ground, Jake and Samuel were there. Jake wrestled the gun from Testa’s hand and slipped it in his belt. Samuel hit Testa three or four times, right in the mouth. Me? I was frozen in place.

When I could move again, I walked over to where Ying lay on the ground. Testa was out cold, but no one paid him any mind. Jake and Samuel were kneeling over Ying. He was flat on his back, looking up at us. He had a smile on his face. He also had two bullet holes in his chest. He looked at Samuel, then at Jake, and finally at me. When he saw the horror in my face, he winked at me. Then he died, his eyes still looking at me, but not seeing me. None of us moved for a few minutes. Jake closed Ying’s eyes, and Samuel took his arms and folded them over his chest. I was the first to turn away, and when I did, I saw that Testa was gone.

I hurriedly told the others, but got no response from either of them. When I insisted we should do something, call the police so they could pick him up and get an ambulance to take Ying somewhere, I was told by Jake, “No, we take care of our own, first Ying, then Testa. He can’t go anywhere. There are no trains leaving at this time of night. They don’t start until 4:00, 5:00 a.m. We’ve got a few hours to catch up with Mr. Testa.”

When I countered with, “Maybe he’s hitchhiking out of town, or walking.”

“No, he’ll stay off the streets. He’ll be thinking we’ve set the cops on him. He’ll hide out until he sees the first train moving, then he’ll catch it. And then we’ll catch him.” That was it. End of discussion.

“First we need tools to bury Ying. You two prepare him. I’ll be back,” said Jake as he walked off into the darkness.

The fire was getting low, but because of the full moon, we had no trouble seeing what we had to do. Samuel told me to get Ying’s bed roll, which I did. After I handed it to him, he unrolled it and spread it on the ground next to Ying. He looked up at me and said, “Help me lift him onto the blanket.”

I had never touched a dead man before. Well, I had, but that’s another story. Ying was still warm to the touch, so it was more like he was sleeping. Once we had him centered on the blanket, Samuel started to wrap him in it.

I asked him to wait a moment. I went over to the fire where Ying had been sitting, looked around for a moment, saw what I was looking for, and brought it back to where Ying lay. I lifted the half-empty bottle of Jim Beam so Samuel could see it and asked, “Think Ying may want this to help him on his journey?” Samuel agreed. “Damn good idea, kid.”

Just when I’m feeling pretty good about myself for having thought of such a brilliant scheme, Samuel asked me, “Don’t you think it would last longer if the top was on the bottle?”

I hadn’t noticed. I went back and looked for the cap, found it, and gave it to Samuel. He smiled and said, “It’s okay, kid, we’re all a little shook up.” He secured cap to bottle, placed it on Ying’s stomach, and clasped his hands around it. As he finished wrapping and tying the blanket, Jake returned.

He was carrying a shovel and a pick axe. “Got these at that construction site down the road, had to break into their tool shed.” He handed me the tools, then he and Samuel picked up Ying and carried him to a thicket of oak trees. In the center of the thicket where the roots would not be as dense, they started digging, first Jake with the pick, and then Samuel with the shovel. Back and forth they worked until they had a hole, or should I say grave, about three and a half to four feet deep. It was six feet long. I know because Jake paced it off.

With me watching, they lowered Ying into his final resting place. When Samuel started to fill in the grave, I said, “I want to do something. Let me fill it in.”

“Sure, Andrew, but pack it in hard, and whatever dirt is left over, spread it around so that the ground is level. Jake and I will gather leaves to hide the fact that any digging went on here.”

After the leaves were spread and the place looked as pristine as it had before, Jake said, “I need a drink. Where’s that bottle?”

Samuel and I looked at each other before he said, “It’s with Ying.”

“Right where it should be. Well, if I can’t have a drink, let’s go and see Mr. Testa,” said Jake as he picked up the pistol he had taken from Testa.

When we got to the yard, we squatted down in the shade of a shed, out of the moonlight, and watched the idle trains. We knew, or Jake and Samuel knew, that Testa was not too far away, doing the same thing. I asked Samuel, “Suppose he’s already on a train?”

“That isn’t likely. “He’d be afraid the bulls would see him and chase him out of the yard or worse yet, turn him over to the police. No, he’s hiding and waiting, just like us.”

We had no more than an hour to wait when the train in front of us backed up to couple with a line of cars, maybe eight or nine. When the cars had become part of the train, and as it started its forward motion, we saw a solitary figure run out from behind a building and jump into one of the boxcars that had not yet passed us.

“That’s it, gentlemen, we’ve got us a train to catch,” said Jake as he stood watching the car we wanted come our way. He had been absent-mindedly playing with the pistol, but now he stuck it in his belt and headed for the train. Samuel and I followed.

Jake was the first to jump on, next Samuel, and lastly me—as usual. By now, I could get on a moving train by myself and without too much difficulty. But it was still a struggle. By the time I flopped onto my back inside the car and lay there a moment to catch my breath, Jake had backed Testa up to the front wall. As I got up and walked towards them, I heard Testa say, “… and you were there, you saw it. He rushed me. I was only gonna scare him. But when he rushed me, I was in fear for my life.”

Jake looked over to Samuel and expressed his doubts as to the veracity of Testa’s story. “I think he’s a lying sack of shit. What do you think, Samuel?”

“I agree and concur wholeheartedly,” responded Samuel.

No one asked my opinion.

Because of the full moon, the ambient light inside the car was enough for me to discern the terror upon Testa’s face.

Just when I thought, What are they going to do now that they’ve got him? four shots rang out, the sound reverberating in the empty boxcar. The first one went into Testa’s forehead, not quite right between the eyes, but pretty good shooting nevertheless. The next three, as he lay on the floor … those went into his chest. Then I heard clicks as the spent chambers revolved to the firing position.

Jake stood over the dead man, right arm outstretched, pointing the gun straight down at the body and continued to squeeze the trigger until Samuel came up next to him and gently eased the gun from his hand.

“You know, that’s the first time I’ve ever killed a man,” whispered Jake.

They dragged the body over to the open door and we waited until we were crossing a river. Samuel took hold of Testa’s wrists and Jake his ankles and they swung him back and forth, counting one, two, three. On the count of three, they flung him out the door as far as they could. They wanted him in the water, not on the side of the tracks. It was my job to throw out the gun, which I did without screwing it up.

We did not know where we were headed. Jake figured we were going in a southeasterly direction. We wanted off as soon as possible. We did not want to be caught in that car because of all the fresh blood on the floor. That would take some explaining.

We ended up in Tallahassee. Samuel still wanted to get to Atlanta, so he said he was going to catch a freight headed in that general direction. Jake had a woman down in Bonita Springs and was thinking of spending the winter with her. Until then, he thought he’d pick oranges. The picking season was less than a month away. Me, I had had enough of boxcars … and travelling … for the moment. I was going home to Mother.

We said good-bye to Samuel at the yard, then Jake and I hitched together as far as Orlando where we said goodbye. We both lied and said we’d meet up on the road at some future date, knowing that was highly unlikely. At least I did, because I knew right then and there that my boxcar riding days were at an end.

*******

When I tell of one of my youthful adventures, I do so as though I’m sitting at a bar and relating my misdeeds to the guy sitting next to me. That is all well and good, but when it comes time to put my words down on paper—that’s a bitch. I haven’t the foggiest idea where a comma should go. My syntax sucks, and if I had a nickel for every word I leave out or extra word I put in, I could quit this writing racket and get a real job.

I want to give a shout-out to my friend and editor, Emily, who runs Sunrise Editing Services. Without her, my stuff would remain unreadable.

Yellow Hair

If anyone feels so inclined, I’d appreciate it if you’d like my Facebook page. You can click on the button on the right side of the page, near to top. Thank you.

Ellen's Long Shot

I recently posted a few of my hitching adventures. Some of you may have read them. Today’s story took place about five years after I got off the road. I was twenty-seven years old. Every word is true, though some of you might find parts of it hard to believe. That’s okay. It was my life, and I lived it.

ellen

Ellen’s Long Shot

Ellen Long was beautiful. Ellen Long was hip. Ellen Long was my lover, and Ellen Long could sure get herself into big trouble for such a little girl.

I do not remember how I came to know Ellen Long, but I do remember it was shortly after our first meeting that we were in bed devouring each other’s bodies. For a couple of wonderful months, we ran together and made love together. And I must admit, I was smitten. Although once I got to know her a little better, it was obvious that it was not going to be a long-term relationship. I took my cues from Ellen Long and I decided to enjoy her while I could.

To give you an example of her way of thinking, which was very progressive, two days after a weekend in which we locked ourselves on my boat and did nothing but drink and make love, she called me to say she was having trouble recuperating from the intensity of our weekend sexual adventures. She then went on to inform me that she had told her sister the gruesome details and seeing as how she was going to be out of commission for a few days, would it be alright if her sister came over that night. It seems the sister wanted to find out what all the fuss was about; well, that was the first of five women Ellen Long sent my way.

With that sort of attitude, it’s no wonder the relationship lasted only two months. However, once the sex stopped, we remained close. We had no choice. I drank at whatever bar she was working. At least I was assured of a decent drink.

Every time Ellen Long had a new lover, I heard about it in great detail. There was the time she told me of the guy who was flying her to England. My only comment: “Make sure you get a round trip ticket.” Wouldn’t you know it? She calls me a week later and says, “I’m stuck in London, can you send me an airline ticket?” I make sure there’s one at the airline counter within the hour. I didn’t hear from her after that for about a month. No phone call to say I’m back. No call of thanks. Nothing.

I finally ran into her at a bar we both frequented and the first thing out of her mouth was the fact she had a new love. She went on and on, telling me of his great beauty, his gorgeous skin, etc. After a few minutes of that, I started calling him “Pretty Boy” to myself. At that point, I had had enough of her crazy loves, so I feigned business elsewhere and excused myself. I should not have been so hasty. If I had waited around and met Pretty Boy, I might have averted the defining moment in Ellen Long’s and my relationship.

Fast-forward two weeks.

The loud, insistent ringing of the telephone brought me out of a sound sleep. I looked at the clock next to the bed … 4:07 am. Putting the receiver to my ear, I heard, “He’s going to kill me; he just tried to throw me off a roof!” It was 1978, a time before cell phones, and the person on the other end of the line was Ellen Long. In a whispered voice, she told me she had been riding in Pretty Boy’s car, and he became enraged when she told him she did not want to see him anymore. He then drove into the parking area of an apartment complex, pulled her from the car, and dragged her to the roof of one of the buildings.

Ellen Long was a bartender; she’d had plenty of experience dealing with drunks, so she thought she could handle this nut. It wasn’t until he tried to throw her off the roof that the seriousness of the situation struck her and her training in dealing with angry people kicked in. She somehow convinced him that everything would be all right, and if he would allow her to first find a bathroom, she would then go wherever he wished.

On the way down from the roof, the first door she knocked on was answered—as luck would have it—by a nice little old lady who had no problem letting two strangers into her apartment at 4:00 o’clock in the morning.

Once inside the apartment, my Ellen could not tell of her predicament without putting the nice little old lady in danger. And by now the nut was mollified enough to allow Ellen to leave his sight, though he stood guard at the door as she went to the back of the apartment where the bathroom was located.

Instead of going into the bathroom, she slipped into the bedroom, picked up the phone, and called me. She didn’t have the exact address, but gave me the intersection of two streets and asked me to come to her rescue. I was half out the door by the time she got around to asking for help, the length of the telephone cord the only thing keeping me from being all the way out the door.

As I got behind the wheel of the car, a voice in my head said, “She gave you the wrong location. The place she gave is miles from where she is. She is on the opposite side of the island” (Miami Beach). I then had a mental vision of her location.

Starting the car, I decided not to go where Ellen Long told me to go. Instead, I went in the opposite direction. When I got to the place I believed her to be, I saw Ellen and Pretty Boy standing alone in the parking lot of the complex. She expected me, he did not. She calmly walked up to the car and said, “Hello.” Like we were meeting accidentally in the middle of the day, and not the early hours of the morning. She then introduced her “friend,” and while his attention was momentarily diverted in my direction, she ran around to the other side of the car, dove through the open window into the passenger seat, and yelled, “Get out of here!”

It took Pretty Boy half a half a second longer than I to realize what was happening, and that half of a second was all we needed to effect our get-a-way. The only thing he could do at that point was grab onto the side-view mirror, and scream incoherent fulminations as loud as he could. Though slight of stature, he was so enraged, he had the strength to tear the mirror from the car and throw it at us as we sped away.

As I drove her home that morning, she told me I had arrived just in the nick of time. She had stalled him as long as she could and he was about to drag her to his car as I drove up. (Just in the nick of time? What would have happened to Ellen if I had not listened to that voice telling me where to go? What would have happened if I had gone to where she had directed me?)

After that morning, I never saw Ellen Long again, except once about a year later, for a few minutes, in a real dive of a bar. She was with friends, and we were both genuinely glad when we saw one another. After saying hello to me, she turned to her friends and said the following: “This is Andrew. He saved my life.”

I had finally made an impression on Ellen Long.

Yellow Hair

Misunderstood

In honor of Saint Valentine’s Day, I’m posting a touching love story. Enjoy!

massey

Misunderstood

 “I’m just a soul whose intentions are good. Oh Lord, please don’t let me be misunderstood.”

If you will allow me, I’d like to give you my side of the story. I know the papers and television have painted me as a monster, something that should be exterminated at the soonest possible moment. But I did what I did for a very good reason.

It all started on that cold day in February two years ago when she walked into my shop. At the time, I was a woodworker—a cabinet maker. She was not beautiful, but then again she was not unpleasant to the eye. I can still remember her first words. “Are you Abner Crochet?” Seeing as how that was my name, I answered in the affirmative. My time is limited; they will be coming for me shortly, so I’ll have to leave much out of my narrative, but the salient facts are as follows.

She said she wanted me to construct an old-fashioned type wardrobe of maple with cypress shelving. But I ask you, if that is all she wanted, why in heaven’s name did she come on to me in such a manner?

What manner, you may ask. Well, I will tell you.

At our third meeting, while I was showing her the plans I had drawn up for her commission, she placed her hand on mine. Yes, I know that does not seem like much, but you did not see the look in her eyes. After that day, the relationship grew. She would come by almost daily to check on the progress of the piece. At least that is what she claimed, but I knew different … she was falling in love with me as I had fallen in love with her.

Then the day came when my work was done. She was thrilled with the finished product, and over and over again she told me that I was an artist and my work should be in museums. That was pleasant to hear, not because she liked my work, but because I knew that she loved me.

I expected to see her the next day when the piece was to be picked up. However, I was disappointed. She sent two workmen in her stead. So I called her on the phone, and can you believe it? She pretended that she had not the slightest feelings for me. She said, “I assume you’re calling about the bill. Well, I’ve already sent off the check with a little extra because my fiancé loves it so much. It is to be my wedding present to him.”

What was she talking about? She had not once mentioned a fiancé! She touched my hand, for God’s sake!  I could only mutter a weak thank you, and hung up the phone. I had to think.

Admittedly, I have not been around women very much. Until she came into my life, I don’t think I’d even touched a woman. But I knew she felt towards me as I felt towards her. She placed her hand on top of mine!

“Yes … yes …”

I’m being told I must gather my belongings for the move. But before I do so, I must explain myself. I’ll be brief.

Knowing she loved me as I loved her meant only one thing. She was being forced to marry against her will. I had decided that I would have to intercede on her behalf. That is why I broke into the apartment. I was only going to reason with the man. Tell him of our true, great love.

Then my world, all my hopes and dreams, crumbled before me. When I flicked on the bedroom light … when I flicked on the bedroom light … even now it is hard for me to put into words what I saw. When I flicked on the bedroom light, there he was, and there she was! They were lying in the same bed! And neither one of them were decent.

I know I said I went there only to convince my rival that he should bow out of true love’s way, but that does not explain why I brought along the hunting knife. Was I subconsciously planning to do harm to the man? I do not know.

However, it is all academic. When I saw the two—my love and that vile man—intertwined upon the bed, I lost all reason. I did what I had to do to save my love. He just got in the way. I knew she loved me, but now that she was sullied by another, she could never have me. So, the most humane thing I could do was to end her life. I did not want her living a life of regret because she had lost my love. And him? As I said, he got in the way. He fought, and he fought hard, to protect my love; however, it did give me great joy to dispatch him to another world.

So you see, my friends, what I did, I did out of love.

They are moving me to the death-watch cell now. Soon I will have my head shaved and the gel placed thereon, for good conductivity you know. Then I’ll get my allotted 50,000 volts. I am happy as I write these words. My true love and I shall be together in a very short while.

I’m just a soul whose intentions were good. Oh Lord, please don’t let me be misunderstood.

Yellow Hair

Creation Myth

godEvery culture has a creation myth. Ours is that the world was created in six days and the first humans were Adam and Eve. The Apache Indians have Changing Woman who was impregnated by the sun and gave birth to Nayé Nazghane, Slayer Of Monsters. The Norse people have Odin and Ymir … the Ancient Greeks, Gaia. But I would like to tell you guys how we really got here, and why. If you like, you may call this Andrew’s creation myth.

Long, long ago, in a place of no time and no space, existed an entity. As far as The Entity knew, It just was, and always had been. Before the universe we inhabit existed, before time existed, before space existed, It was. Within The Entity were the powers of creativity and It knew of their existence, but the ways to produce them were unknown to It. The entity existed in a State of Being, but without a means to find an expression for that Being.

We were within Its dreams, and while still within Its dreams, It gave us consciousness. The Entity felt pressure from us, the conscious but still only probable selves who found ourselves in a God’s dream. To release us would give us actuality, but it would also mean losing a portion of Its consciousness—a portion of Itself. With love and longing, It let us go. We exploded in a flash of creation. We were free!

god-lvWe were still in a place of no time and no space. Therefore, we created time and space. We created our universe and many other universes and dimensions. But I will speak only of the universe that we inhabit.

We populated what we had created with a portion of ourselves. We created the stars and the planets. Because we existed in a place of no time, the eons upon eons that it took for the cosmic dust to congeal into stars and the planets to cool, was less than a day to us.

To paraphrase the Bible, we looked upon what we had created and saw that it was good. However, we were not done with our creating; after all, that is why we separated from our brother—we are the expression of Its Being.

Once the planets had cooled enough to support life, we created their ecosystems and injected portion of ourselves into it. We started the process of life.god-ll

After countless millenniums, the life forms on the various planets were at a stage of development that we could dwell in them and experience the physical realm. Because we are of this star system, of the planet known as Earth, I will speak of the events that took place here, although similar things took place on other planets, in other star systems.

Once we had life up and running, we would inject ourselves into the various animal life forms to feel the sensations known only on the physical plane. The warmth of the star upon the bodies of those we inhabited, to run through the tall grass, to feel the caress of wind would thrill us to no end. Sometimes we would reside in a giant tree and experience its being for hundreds of years. Time meant nothing to us. We were gods. But, over time, we stayed on the physical plane for longer and longer periods; we did not leave to go back to our place of no time. We did not go home. We had eaten of the forbidden fruit.

Because time meant nothing to us ... because we tarried too long in the bodies that we had brought into existence, some of us soon found that we could not extricate ourselves when so desired. We were stuck in the physical. This was the fall of mankind as metaphorically described in the first chapter of Genesis. In a time long forgotten, we became mired on this planet as though we had stepped into quicksand.

The portion of us who stayed in our place of no time came to the rescue of those who could not return. They tweaked the DNA of an animal that today is known as Neanderthal Man. After many, many generations, what was once an animal was ready to house those stuck in the physical. From then on, we would inhabit only that creature. We had created human beings.

Thus started the process of returning home. The entity that gave us existence loves all that we have created down to the least. It celebrates the dearness and uniqueness of each consciousness. It is triumphant and joyful at each development, of each individual. It revels and takes joy in the slightest creative act of each of us.

Each life we live is a step closer to home. Each life—when completed—is a gift to our brother, our creator. Our experiences allow It to BE. Our creative acts, as I’ve said, are the expression of Its Being. Genesis states we were made in our creator’s image. Yes, we were. We are creators also. It’s what we do.

We cannot help but create. We create every moment of our existence. We create music, we create stories and call them books, or movies, or perhaps songs. We create art … we create while at our daily jobs. We create fine meals and not-so-fine meals. We create love and we create hate. Every choice we make during every day of our lives is an act of creation. Choosing to turn on your computer was an act of creation, as was your choice to read this blog post.

god-vWe are all a part of the entity we call God, not apart from It. We have no choice but to create. It is in our being. So, as long as we are creating, why not create a better world starting with that little corner of the world that we each inhabit? You’d be surprised. All those little acts of creation add up, and the next thing you know, you’ve created a universe—a universe of love.

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Denham Springs, Louisiana

denham-springs

It was Easter morning on Huntington Beach, California, 1969. I was nineteen years old. I had spent the night sleeping under a lifeguard stand. I only mention the locale because it is pertinent to the story—in a roundabout way.

I was in Huntington Beach that Easter morning because of food. Well, not good food, but food of any sort is good food when one is hungry. There was a storefront church right off the beach that every evening would serve us God and sandwiches. The way it worked was, they would go around during the day and collect day old sandwiches from stores in the vicinity to use as a lure to get the hungry into their place of worship. It worked pretty well, the joint was always packed. However, you had to have the God before they would give you a stale cheese sandwich. We also received miniature Bibles. Not the whole Bible, these little red books had a verse or two. I can remember them clearly. They were an inch high, an inch wide and about an eighth of an inch thick. And that cover, I will never forget that red cover. They come into the story later.

So, I’m tired of going hungry and sleeping on the beach, I’m thinking I’ll take a quick trip back east and visit the folks. You know . . . sleep in a bed for a change and eat a square meal once in a while. But before I left, at my last night at the Sandwich Church, I grabbed a handful of the little “Bibles” and stuffed them into my case. Back then I traveled with an old-fashioned suitcase. Three feet long, two feet high, and twelve inches wide; and solid, I could put it on its end and sit on it. That case must have done about 50,000 miles with me.

With my little Bibles and a cheese sandwich, I headed east. I had it down to a science back then. Three days from the California border to Miami or vice versa. At that time there was no Interstate Highway system. I made it as far as Louisiana. If you were going east to west, or west to east on the southern route, you took Highway 90. Going from west to east, highway 90 split at Baton Rouge. You could either go south into New Orleans or continue east toward Lake Pontchartrain. On this fateful trip, I did not go into New Orleans. I went straight ahead because the truck in which I was riding was going that way.

I was let off just outside a sleepy little town by the name of Denham Springs. I can still see the water tower with the town’s name emblazoned across it. Later, well into the 70’s, there was a cliché of a southern sheriff. He was fat, stupid, mean; he wore mirrored sunglasses, and he was very, very dangerous. He was, after all, the law—the only law you were ever going to get in his town. If you were an outsider, and he didn’t need your vote to get re-elected, then chances were good that if your paths crossed, you, and not he, was going to be the worse for it. That cliché had to come from somewhere and I know where. It was based on the sheriff of Denham Springs, Louisiana, circa 1969.

As the truck stopped to let me out and I started to climb down from the cab, a note of warning I heard: “That town up ahead, Denham Springs, has the meanest son-of-a-bitch for a sheriff. Do not hitchhike through his town. Just walk through and start hitchin’ on the other side.” I took his words to heart; I did not hitch through Denham Springs, Louisiana.

I proceeded to walk through that godforsaken town like the good citizen I was pretending to be. I made it halfway when a police car pulled up beside me and the “officer,” who was fat, mean, and wore the prescribed mirrored shades, told me to get in the back of his car. When a cop puts you in the back seat, you’re going to jail. Or at least that’s what I thought. Though it seems this joker was in no hurry to do anything. He just drove around town sayin’ hello to other troglodytes like himself. The whole time, I said not a word. Remember, I was just walking down the street minding my own business when I was accosted by this officer of the law. But as I’ve said, I kept my big mouth shut (for once) while he drove all over creation with me in the back seat of his police car. There were no handles on the inside of the doors, I was locked in.

denham-springs-lll

Finally, after about an hour of that, I said, “Excuse me, sir, but what’s going on?”

His reply: “Shut up, boy, you’re under arrest.” No fooling, he actually called me, “boy”!

So I shut up, sat back, and tried to enjoy the ride. Shortly thereafter, we pulled up in front of the police station. This cliché of a cop got out, told me to grab my case and come with him. Only one thing though, he forgot that I could not open the door from the inside. He was halfway to the cop shop before he turned and saw his mistake. So he had to come back and open the door for me. I was tempted to take my time getting out and make him wait there, holding the door open like a valet parking attendant. But my better sense said: You might still make it out of here in one piece, so don’t piss the asshole off.

We made our way to his little kingdom and it was there that I met “Barney.” Barney was not his real name; in fact, I never did learn his name. But he was the deputy to Fat Boy. He seemed like a nice enough fellow, but he was dependent on Fatso for his job, so he meekly went about carrying out the orders handed down by the sheriff. I called him Barney because he reminded me, in looks and manner, of the Don Knots character from the Andy Griffith Show, Barney Fife.

Then the inspection and interrogation began. My pal sat behind his desk, Barney standing off to his right, and me in the position of defendant before the bar. The first thing he does is open my suitcase and go through the contents. You never know, I might have been carrying explosives. Nope—no explosives found, but aha! I was carrying little Bibles. That had to mean something. So I was questioned quite thoroughly, if someone with an IQ of 76 can be said to know what a question is, let alone ask one.

“What are these?”

“Little Bibles, sir.”

“What are you, some kind of Jesus freak?”

“No sir. I just believe in the word of the Lord.”

I thought if I played at being a Goodie-Two-Shoes, I might get back on the road before too long. Boy, was I mistaken. My piety did not impress him, so I thought, What next? At that point, I figured I’d just play stupid and see what developed.

The next insidious thing found in my case was the infamous Carnation Instant Breakfast packages. There were about five or six of the damn things. Do you remember them? They were just a powder of some sort that one drank in the morning in lieu of a healthy breakfast. They were factory-sealed, and when Fats asked me what they were, I just stared at him. I mean, it was printed on the packages he was holding what the stuff was.  But Sherlock Holmes wasn’t going to be fooled by any snot-nosed kid. No sir, no way.

This guy was way too sharp for the likes of me. Thinking there were hidden drugs concealed in those factory-sealed packages, he tears one open, wets the tip of his finger and sticks it into the package. He pulls out the fat finger with Carnation Instant Breakfast (chocolate flavor) stuck to it. He brings it up to his mouth and was about to lick his finger with the “drugs” sticking to it. But no, wait, this guy is sharp. He stops before tongue touches finger. He turns to Barney and holds up said finger. The unspoken command: Hey you, Idiot, come over here and lick this poison off my finger. You got to hand it to ol’ Barney, he did his duty. I don’t know who was more surprised that he did not keel over dead after ingesting the “poison,” Barney or Fatso. After a few minutes, when it was evident that my Carnation Instant Breakfast was not laced with LSD, the interrogation stalled.

It was at that point I thought I’d try my second gambit. The Holy Roller act hadn’t work, so let’s try motherhood. I was going to try to outsmart my captors.

“Sir, may I make a phone call?”

“Why? Do you think you deserve one?”

“No sir. It’s just that my mother is dying down in Florida, and I was on my way back to see her, and if I’m not going to get back there any time soon, I’d just like to say good-bye to her over the phone.”

I have to admit, I almost had him. I had Barney, no problem. I think I even saw a single tear trickle down his cheek. But at the last second, Fats says, “You know, we had a hippie in here last week, shaved his head and sent him out to the work gang. He’s now helpin’ build us a nice new road over on the north side of town. How’d ya like to join him?”

Okay, I thought, you got me, but I’m keeping my eyes wide open for you to make the littlest mistake, then it’s swish . . . I’m outta here.

Without further ado, he told me that in the morning I would have my hair shaved off and then sent out to the work gang for six months. No trial . . . no habeas corpus . . . no lawyer . . . no nothing!

It was now time to put me away for the night. At first, I thought Fats was going to have Barney do the honors all by himself. But no, Fats was enjoying himself too much, he wanted in on all the fun until the last possible moment.

It was as they were leading me up the stairs to the cell block that an idea came to me. As I walked slowly up those dark, dank stairs, I prayed for just one good break. That was all I needed, only one.

We reached the landing housing the three cells that comprised the Denham Springs Correctional System. The door to the nearest cell was standing wide open and there didn’t seem to be any other inhabitants about. Thing were looking up.

My plan was simple. I just had to antagonize Fats into physical violence. That shouldn’t be too hard. All afternoon I could see he was just itchin’ to give me a good one, right across the mouth. So, let’s see what you’re made of, Fatso! When we stepped in front of the opened door of the cell, he grabbed my left arm at the bicep and walked me inside. Great, thought I, this is the moment of truth. I yanked my arm from his grip, spun around and spit in his face. Well, that wasn’t so hard. He turned beet-red and let a haymaker go in the general direction of my jaw. Of course, I was expecting it, so I went with the flow. As soon as his fist connected, I went in the same direction in which his arm was moving; his punch had very little effect on me. But that’s not how I played it.

A moment to digress. When I saw the cell door open, and neither Fats nor Barney with a key between them, that’s when I knew I had a fighting chance. No key, that was my ace in the hole. You see, it had been my experience that one needed a key to open jail cell doors, but not to lock them. They locked automatically with some sort of spring mechanism. At least that’s the way it worked way back in 1969.

Okay, back to the drama. When I feigned taking his best blow, I grabbed my chest in the area of my heart, and said, “My heart.” (What else?) I fell to the floor, did a spasm or two, coupled with a little shaking, and pretended to pass out. As I lay there with my eyes closed, I couldn’t tell what was going through Fats’ mind, but I heard Barney exclaim, “Great, now you killed him!”

Fats was already in the cell, but my plan depended on both of them being in there with me. So, as Fats shook me, trying to elicit a response, I bided my time until I heard Barney enter. When I was sure he was far enough through the door, I jumped up and pushed them into one another. As one, they crashed to the floor and I ran out of that damn cell, clanging the door shut behind me.

Now Fats still had his gun, so even though he was entwined with Barney, I didn’t stick around to enjoy my victory. I bolted down the stairs, grabbed my case, and was out of the door before either one of them got to his feet.

Two blocks away, I hit it lucky and got a ride with a Peterbilt going all the way to Tallahassee.

Well, that’s about it, folks. The only other thing of interest is that about eight months later, I was hitchin’ through to the west coast and once again, I was let out near Denham Springs, Louisiana. And you know what the guy said as I left his car?

“Don’t go through Denham Springs, they got them a real mean sheriff there.”

My answer to his kind advice: “Yes, I’ve heard of him.”

Needless to say, I went through New Orleans that time around.

Yellow Hair

Fishin'

fishin

Johnny Donahue was my best friend when I was twelve years old. On Saturday mornings, we would go fishing. Because we would arise at 3:00 am and meet shortly thereafter, we called it “going fishing at three in the morning.”

This particular Saturday morning when I arrived at Johnny’s house, two of his three brothers were milling about outside. His brother Terry was a year younger than than we were and hung out with us quite a bit, so it was no surprise to see him. But, to see his youngest brother, Matthew, who was only six, was a different story. Before I could ask Johnny what was up, Matt came running up to me and said, “I wanna go fishin'.”

Johnny approached me. “If I try to leave him behind, he’ll just follow us or make such a racket he’ll wake up my parents.” So we bowed to the inevitable and let Matt follow us as we started for the lake. It wasn’t really a lake; it was what was called a rock pit. A rock pit being a place that was once dry land until a company came along and started dredging gravel, dirt, and muck for development out west near the Everglades. What was left after they had taken as much as possible was a small lake. We were fortunate; there were two such lakes within blocks of where we lived. They were identical, about a quarter mile long and half as wide. Between them was about a hundred yards of fine, sugary white sand.

Our 3:00 a.m. fishing routine consisted of me, Johnny, sometimes Terry, our fishing poles, a frying pan, a can of baked beans, and a stick of butter. At sunrise, we would stop fishing, clean our catch, build a fire, and cook the fish we had caught moments before. And of course, coming from good Irish (Boston) stock, the beans were always Boston Baked Beans.

As a rule, we always fished the north lake. Why, I don’t know. Probably because that’s the lake we swam in and we felt comfortable there. However, this morning we were fishing the south lake, and by the time the sun was fixing to come up, we had caught nothing. Matt may have helped our bad luck along by throwing rocks into the water right where we were fishing. So, we decided to call it a day, or a night, or whatever. It was still dark out when we reeled in our lines and started for home.

Johnny, Terry, and I were walking along the shore of the south lake. Matt was somewhere behind us. Or so we thought. There was no need to fret about Matt. We were only blocks from his home, which he knew his way to as well as we did. And there were no “Bad Guys” to worry about. It was 1962, after all. But with what happened in the next few minutes, it just goes to show you how wrong a guy can be. At this point, it’s still pitch black out, but a gray sky in the east was only minutes away.

As we neared the bit of land between the two lakes, we heard a sound, which immediately put us on guard. In those days, our neighborhood was way out in the boondocks, and we had never run into another living soul in all the time we went fishing at three o’clock in the morning. The sound was a scratching sound, immediately followed by a sound that sounded like plod. Scratch, plod, scratch, plod—it had a kind of rhythm. By then the dawn had broken—barely. It was light enough to see where the sound was coming from.

We could make out the silhouettes of two men and a car. The bigger of the two was leaning against the car, arms folded, watching the other man as he dug a hole. Those were the sounds we had heard, the scraping of the shovel as it was thrust into the sand, and the sand as it was heaved onto a slowly growing pile. As we stood there watching this strange sight, it got stranger still. The big guy went to the trunk, opened it, and dragged out a dead body. Or what sure looked like a dead body in the semi-darkness.

At the first glimpse of the body, all three of us dropped to the ground. After all, we were the first generation of children raised on television; we’d seen enough to know that witnesses always get “rubbed out.” Dead men tell no tales.

Johnny and I were right next to each other, with Terry behind us. We lay in that position for about five minutes, wondering what would be the best course of action to take that would not end up with us getting shot. Johnny and I were for staying on the ground and slowly crawling away so as not to be seen. Terry was for jumping up and making a run for it. Well, wouldn’t you know it, little Matthew decided which course of action we should take, and it was none of the above.

As we lay there conducting The Great Debate, we saw Matt walking up to the two men from the opposite direction. He must have circumnavigated the lake, and was heading in the general direction of home. The only problem being two bad guys were between him and his home. Because he was so small, and the men so intent on what they were doing, Matt was able to walk right up to the hole still being dug and peer into it. Even from our vantage point, we could see the men react as all reasonable men would react when discovered burying a corpse at six o’clock in the morning. They nearly jumped out of their skins.

After taking a moment to regroup, the bigger of the two, the one not shoveling, grabbed Matt by the arm, and forced-marched him about ten feet before flinging him in the direction of the street. Of course, the little kid stumbled and fell. He sat there looking up at that big bully as the man pointed to the street. You didn’t need to read lips to know the guy was telling Matt to scram.

Now, if I may, I’d like to digress for a moment and tell you about Johnny, Terry, and myself. Johnny and I were good kids. We were altar boys; we never gave the nuns at school any trouble. We kept our noses clean. Of course, as we got older and joined the Boy Scouts, Johnny made Eagle Scout while I never made it out of Tenderfoot. Johnny went on to become an FBI agent, and I went on to break many, many laws with impunity. But on that morning, we thought alike. Now Terry, on the other hand, was a holy terror. Whenever he hung with us, we could expect to either be reprimanded by someone, or punished by our parents when we got home. All the Donahue boys, except Terry, had red hair and freckles. Terry was different, he was a blond. Come to think of it, he was different in a lot of ways. I tell you these things so you will understand why things turned out as they did.

Back to the story: When we left off, Matt was sitting on the ground with Mr. Big standing over him.

Johnny jumped up and yelled, “My brother!” and started running in the direction of all the excitement. Because he was my pal, I was two steps behind him, and Terry was a step behind me. We reached the scene of the crime and injected ourselves between Mr. Big and Matt. When he saw us, the big guy laughed, and turned to the guy shoveling. “Hey, Nicky … the cavalry to the rescue.”

Nicky, he dropped the shovel, pulled out a gun that he had tucked into his belt, and pointed it at us. At this turn of events, Mr. Big said to Nicky, “Put the fuckin’ gun away, pick up your fuckin’ shovel, and dig the goddamn hole.” I thought Nicky was going to shoot him. I would have if someone spoke to me like that. But Nicky only shrugged, slipped the gun back into his belt, and resumed his spadework.

“So, kids, what’s the problem?” said Mr. Big “Why don’t you be good little tykes and just run along home?” When we heard that, Johnny and I looked at one another. We knew our troubles were over. All we had to do was walk away, go home, tell our parents, and they could take the appropriate steps to deal with the situation.

As Johnny took Matt by the hand and we turned to leave, we heard, “You guys gonna bury that dead body?”

“Fuckin’ Terry!” was my only thought at the moment. I don’t know what Johnny was thinking, but by the look on his face, he was thinking along similar lines. With that bit of oratory, Nicky again dropped his shovel and pulled out his gun. Mr. Big stared him down until Nicky meekly put the gun away. But in an act of defiance, he did not resume his shoveling duties. So there we were: four kids, two bad guys, and a corpse. What next? was probably the only thought going through everyone’s head—except for Matt and Terry. Matt was too young to comprehend the situation, and Terry was just getting warmed up.

As we stood there in this Mexican standoff, we heard a groan coming from the corpse. Then the corpse raised itself on one arm and shook its head. Now I’ve got to hand it to Mr. Big. If nothing else, he was a fast thinker. I could tell he was just as surprised as the rest of us at the resurrection taking place, probably more so. But without missing a beat, he turned to Terry and said, “You talkin’ about Marty? He’s no dead body; he just had too much to drink.”

I was thinking, Saved by the bell. All we’ve got to do is play dumb and we can walk out of here.

No sooner had I thought those encouraging thoughts, I heard, “Then why are you digging the hole?”

You guessed it. Fuckin’ Terry again. But no one paid any attention to him. Marty was slowly getting to his feet, and all eyes were upon the Lazarus-like spectacle. The only one present who did anything was Nicky. He pulled out his gun again. Mr. Big walked over to him and slapped him on the back of the head. “Not in front of the k-i-d-s.”

How old did this guy think we were that we couldn’t spell kids? But that was cool, if he wanted us stupid, we could be the stupidest sons-of-bitches you ever saw. But unfortunately, we didn’t get a chance to exhibit our acting skills. Just then, Marty said to no one in particular, “You fuckin’ assholes. You tried to kill me!”

“We ain’t done trying yet,” was Nicky’s retort. With that brilliant statement—in front of witnesses nonetheless—Mr. Big lost his cool. He turned to Nicky and shouted, “Alright, just shoot the bastard once and for all. Kill him before I kill you, you sorry sonavabitch!”

Nicky grinned from one end of his face to the other. “Right, boss,” was his reply, just before he raised his gun and put two right in Marty’s head. The rest of those assembled, with the exception of Mr. Big, jumped a foot in the air with the explosion of the first shot. Marty did not take it so well. He was flung back against the car and stared at Nicky for a long moment before he collapsed like a wet dishrag. Us kids were frozen to the piece of earth we each happened to be standing on at the moment the shots were fired. Even Terry couldn’t think of anything stupid to say.

As soon as Marty hit the ground, Mr. Big ordered Nicky to pull the body away from the car. Mr. Big got behind the wheel and yelled for Nicky to hurry up and get into the car. Standing at the passenger side window, he asked, “What about the kids?”

We were still rooted to our respective pieces of earth, so we were close enough to hear Mr. Big’s reply. “Nicky, fuck the goddamn kids, fuck Marty, fuck you, and fuck this miserable town! Get your ass in here or so help me, I'll blow your fuckin’ head off right where you stand.” With that, Mr. Big pulled out his own gun and pointed it at Nicky’s head. Having his boss point a gun at his head didn’t seem to faze Nicky. Before getting into the car, he turned to Johnny and me and winked. “See ya, kids.” He then got into the car and Mr. Big backed it out onto the street, and drove out of our lives forever.

But wait, the story isn’t over quite yet. After our friends had left, we formed a circle around Marty. We stood there looking down at him. He was lying face down in the fine white sand with a small pool of crimson-colored blood forming next to his head. Terry said, “Cool.” Johnny looked like he wanted to throw up. I was paralyzed and Matt was building sand castles. After a few minutes, Johnny said, “Let’s go home.”

The walk home was the least eventful part of that entire morning’s fishing expedition, at least until we arrived at Johnny’s house. When we got there, he said, “You guys wait out here. I’ll go in and tell my parents what happened.”

A few moments later, we heard a scream, followed by the exclamation, “My babies!” Within seconds, Mrs. Donahue, wearing an old blue bathrobe and with curlers in her hair, flew through the front door, stooped down, and like a mother hen, enfolded Matt and Terry into her arms. After a few moments and a few sniffles, she stood up and shouted, while pointing at the door, “Get in there, misters, before I beat you!”

After that, there was nothing left for me to do but make my way to my own home. I was hungry; we hadn’t caught any fish that morning. And, for some reason, we were never again allowed to go fishing at three o’clock in the morning.

Yellow Hair

Another Sunrise

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Yellow Hair

Thirty Years a Junkie

andrew-young

Compared to some, I’ve lived an exciting life. At least parts of it were. However, compared to others, my life has been humdrum. The only thing I’m satisfied about is that all the drama took place when I was young and able to handle it. That would not be the reality today for I have grown old.

It’s confession time. I’m not looking for absolution. My only intent is to show some of you out there that there is hope. Nothing is forever. Perhaps my story might help you get to the next stage of your life. Maybe not, but I had help getting there, and I’ll tell you about it in a minute. First, a little background. And please, feel free to judge me. You cannot condemn me any more than I have already condemned myself.

When I was kid, I always had a wanderlust. I would see a freight train sitting on a siding, waiting to go on its way, and I would try to imagine its ultimate destination. Those open boxcars called to me. If I could only get into one of those cars, then I would be transported into a new life. Finally, I would see where the rails ended—that magical place. Then, and only then, would I know the secrets of the road. The secrets of the universe.

But, at the age of twelve or thereabouts, I wasn’t going anywhere. It would be a few more years before I broke with the bounds of conformitality (a word I just made up).

I was seventeen years old. It was summertime. I was between my junior year in high school and my senior year, and I was restless. On the spur of the moment, I decided I was going to hitchhike to California—a three-thousand-mile journey. At the time, I was living in Miami, Florida.

I went to my mother and told her of my plans. She was horrified. So I set out to con her. I told her no one was going to pick me up, and I would be back in a few hours. Just the trying would get it out of my system. I don’t know if she fully bought it, but after I packed a few things in an old-fashioned suitcase, she drove me to the beginning of the Florida Turnpike. My last words to her were, “I’ll see you in time for dinner.” It would be a while before I saw her again. But see her again, I would.

I was given a ride within the first few minutes. I had no map and no idea how to get to California. I took whatever rides were offered, and like a leaf in a strong wind, I went where the currents took me. These particular currents landed me in Peoria, Illinois.

It was a dismal town. Or maybe it was me. I hit it right after the sun went down. As I walked the empty streets, seeing the blue lights radiating from the family television sets through the front windows, I imagined those families sitting around the TV—with full bellies—watching Walter Cronkite. I was mighty hungry. Then it started to drizzle.

Wet, tired, hungry, and alone, I stuck out my thumb.

The next guy to pick me up dropped me off on the fabled Route 66 and I rode it all the way into 2017. It seems that I’ve been on Route 66 for the last fifty years of my life.

First I’ll tell you a few of the highlights of my journey. Then we’ll talk about my addiction.

When you’re hitching, you meet all sorts of people. Some of them are good, some of them are evil. But most of ’em just want someone to talk to as the miles roll on. I became a good talker, but I became a better listener as those miles rolled on. And believe me, there were a lot of miles—more than 100,000.

As I write this, I’m listening to Mose Allison, if that means anything to anyone.

I killed my first man in the swamps of Florida. I was seventeen and it was in self-defense. You can read about it here. The next time I had to kill a fellow human being was two years later in San Francisco. Here is how that went down.

I went there to see my good friend Michael. He and his girl were living in the Haight-Asbury district with this guy named Bobby. It was my first night in town and we were sitting in Bobby’s pad smoking a joint when Michael told me he was going to be a father. I looked over at his girl, Linda. She was radiant, and she was also blushing. I was just about to say something appropriate when the door crashed open, and two guys burst through the entrance. It turned out that Bobby was supposed to buy a pound of pot from these assholes.

Only one of them held a gun, but that was enough for us. When told to lie down on the floor, we did so without protest. They then said to Bobby, “Where’s the cash?”

He answered, “In my pocket.” The guy covering us with the gun told the other guy to get the money. Bobby, trying to be helpful, reached into his jeans and pulled out a wad of cash. As soon as the money was in the asshole’s hand, the other one with the gun walked over to Bobby, placed the gun to the back of his head, and killed him. Upon hearing the shot, Michael and I looked at each other and we knew we were to be next.

Before I could think of anything to do, Michael bounded to his feet and rushed the guy with the gun. When I saw Michael go into action, it released me from my paralysis, but not soon enough to help him. He took a bullet to the chest. As Michael was falling to the floor, I picked up a lamp from a table and smashed it over the gunman’s head while his partner stood frozen in place.

The man with the gun went down hard and the gun fell from his hand. All this went down fast, in a blur. I did not have time to think. I picked up the gun while the other guy still stood frozen. I aimed it at him and shot him dead with two shots. Then I turned to the one on the floor; he was moving and about to get up when I put a bullet into his head.

May God have mercy on my soul.

With Michael and Bobby dead and the other two not in much better condition, I grabbed an hysterical Linda and told her we had to get out of there. The cops would see the whole thing as a drug deal gone bad. If we got involved with the cops, she would be having her baby in prison.

I took Michael’s wallet holding his ID. He had never been arrested, so they couldn’t get any info from his fingerprints. It wasn’t Michael we were leaving behind, just his body. I wiped down the gun and then vomited all over Bobby’s blue shag carpet.

Linda’s folks lived in New Jersey, so I hitchhiked with her to the east coast. She was in a state of shock the whole way. After getting her to her parents, I stayed in the northeast for the next seven months. I kept moving, but would drop in to see her every few weeks. Seven months later, when the baby was born, I was there. I was there for my friend Michael. It was a boy and I was asked to be his godfather.

There were other adventures I had while I was on the road. But those I do not want to talk about at the moment. However, there is one thing that still makes me smile even after all these years. I was once kidnapped.

Yes, at twenty years of age, I was kidnapped. I was somewhere outside of Macon, Georgia, on Highway 301, heading south to visit my mother. It was about ten in the morning, and I was on the side of the road with my thumb extended—the usual—when this old station wagon pulled up. There was a lone woman of about thirty years of age behind the wheel and, through the open passenger side window, she told me to jump in. Normally that would not be a problem. But she had everything she owned stuffed in that car. However, I managed to squeeze in.

As we rode south, we talked and talked and talked. We talked of this and we talked of that. We covered baseball. We covered politics. We covered metaphysical shit. We covered everything under the sun. But there was still one thing left to discuss—what species would inherit and rule the earth once man had destroyed himself. That was easy. According to her, it would be dogs. “Okay,” said I. “Sounds good to me.”

By then we were somewhere in Florida and the sun was sinking fast in the west. She wanted to get a motel room for the night and I wanted to keep hitching. I was anxious to get home to Momma. She asked me to stay with her until she secured a room, then she would drive me back to the highway. Sure, why not?

She got off the highway and drove down a desolate country road that then turned into a gravel road. I don’t know how she found it or why it was there, but after about five miles, before us stood a broken down, third-rate motel.

I stayed in the car while she checked in. Then we went to her room. It wasn’t bad. Bigger than I expected and nice and airy. Plenty of windows. No air conditioner, but plenty of windows.

I stood by the door while she got her stuff situated. She then sat on the bed and asked me, “What do you want to do now?”

“I thought you might give me a ride back to the highway.”

“I don’t think so. I’m tired of being lonely. I want you to stay with me tonight.”

I was twenty and had virtually no experience with women. If I had had any experiences with women, I would have dropped my pants right then and there and enjoyed a wonderful evening. Earlier she had even offered to buy dinner. And just so you don’t get the wrong idea, she was no Dorothy Lamour, but she was good-looking (and a little crazy).

Of course, I had to get up on my high horse and remind her that she had promised to get me back to the highway.

“If you want to go, you can go, but I’m not driving ya,” she said with her jaw jutted in a northerly direction and her eyes starting to get moist.

Being the idiot that I was at the time, I grabbed my bag and walked the five miles back to the highway. A decision I have regretted ever since.

Okay, enough with my hitching adventures. I came off the road at the tender age of twenty-two. Actually, four months before my twenty-second birthday.

My uncle took me into his business and let me run with it. Not bragging, but I doubled it within three years. I had opened three branch offices around the state by 1975. Then I got bored. So I opened my own business. I manufactured rolling papers. I had read where the two leading brands were raking in almost $20,000,000.00 a year between them, and I thought I’d like a little of that action.

I did my research and found out Spain was the place to go if you wanted someone to make your papers for you. I went there, signed a contract, and came home. Then I got a designer to work up the packaging and it was off to the races.

cool-dude

I only tell you this because without the rolling paper business, I might not have become a junkie. I say, might not, but truth be told, it was in the cards I was dealt.

It was a few days before Christmas. I don’t know what year, but I was about twenty-seven and I was at one of my accounts, a “head shop.” You know, where “drug” paraphernalia was sold. I walked into the shop thinking I’d just shoot the shit with the owner, let him know I was thinkin’ of him, and if he had a little dope (cocaine or pot) and offered me some, so much the better.

Well, I hadn’t been through the door for more than a second before I fell in love. There she was, looking into a display case of hash pipes. Red hair, petite, a figure a woman half her age would kill for. She was fortyish, but to me she was the sexiest woman I had ever seen.

I walked right up to her, gave her my killer smile that never failed and said, “Howdy, may I help you?” I figured if she thought I worked there, she’d be more likely to talk to me.

She told me she was looking for a hash pipe for her son, for a Christmas present. Well, to make a long, embarrassing story short, I came on to her with everything I had. But this woman wouldn’t give me the time of day. I tried everything, and she just blew me off. The best I got that day was her name and where she worked.

I remember walking out of that shop, getting into my car, and just sitting there waiting for her to come out. She came out alright and gave me a half smile, then turned her back on me. FUCK! “I’m gonna get the broad if it’s the last fuckin’ thing I ever do,” were my thoughts as I started the engine.

Anyway, I knew where she worked.

Okay, I’ll tell you what I didn’t know at the time. Her name was Terry; she had just gotten out of prison after having done five years of an eleven-year rap. She had been a member of the infamous “Murph the Surf” gang, named after Jack Murphy, the leader. Jack got all the press. They even made a movie about him. But there were two leaders of that gang. The other was Bobby Greenwood, Terry’s old man. You older folks might remember the “Star of India” heist from the New York Museum of Natural History. It was one of the biggest jewel thefts in history. Well, my little love was in on that. The gang all got light sentences because everyone loves a jewel thief. But when they got out and reassembled, they went crazy. No need to go into the details here, but it involved murder, and all the men are still in prison. The women received lighter sentences, as women did in those days. Which was only fair; they had nothing to do with the killings. They just spent the money from those endeavors on furniture.

So anyway, after a lot of effort, I won Terry’s love. That’s when I fell in with the “boys.” They were second-tier members of the gang. At the time all the shit went down, they were young, but when I met them, they were her age and just getting out of prison.

Back then, almost everyone was smuggling marijuana into South Florida, even the “good old boys” on the west coast: shrimpers, fishermen, and the like. They referred to the bales of pot as “square grouper.” That is where Sonny, an old friend of Terry’s, was based out of. He had done eight years of a twenty-year sentence. So, Sonny and the other guys fell right into the smuggling thing. And they were making money hand over fist with nowhere to put it. That’s where I came in. They thought my business was just the place to invest some of their ill-gotten gains.

Now I’ve got these wise guys as partners. And I have to admit; as far as partners went, they weren’t too bad. Every Saturday, another briefcase of cash was flung onto my desk. It got so I told them, “Enough already.” I remember one Saturday I was on my boat because I was trying to avoid that week’s stipend. Well, ol’ Butch tracks me down and says, “What’s wrong with me? Why won’t you take my money?”

I didn’t want to hurt his feelings, so I said, “Okay, Butch. Just this one time.”

And with that, he tosses me a brown paper bag and says, “Here’s fifty large ($50,000.00). Thanks for taking it.”

“Don’t worry about it; maybe someday you can do me a favor.”

They never asked for stock, or for anything to prove they had invested their money with me. They never even asked what percentage of the company they were getting for their investment. Actually, they bought the damn thing three times over.

Anyway, back to my story. They were bringing pot in every week. They had a squadron of boats that would go out and pick the stuff up from the “beaner” boats. A beaner boat was what brought the stuff up from Columbia. It was a square-hulled thing with a wheelhouse big enough for only one man.

The thing is, more pot was coming up from Columbia than could be brought in. Anything not off-loaded to a boat for the run into Miami was tossed overboard. Millions of dollars’ worth of pot was thrown into the Atlantic. The beaners only brought the pot one way. There were no round-trip tickets for the bales of marijuana.

One day Sonny comes up to me and says, “I just found out you know how to sail. Want to make a run for me and pick up a load? I’ll give you $50,000.00, and you can be the foreman of the off-loading crew for another twenty-five large. You won’t have to do any work, just watch the boys and keep ’em working.”

I sure as hell didn’t need the money, but I was a junkie for adventure, so I said, “Sure, why not?”

I had some adventures doing that. Outran the Coast Guard one time. Got arrested five minutes after I handed over a load. Two associates were murdered by modern-day pirates. And I made a ton of money. All cash. You know, the usual.

Don’t worry. My karma was just around the corner, waiting for me.

After I got arrested and beat the rap, I retired from my smuggling career. By then, Terry and I had gone our separate ways. But I was still friends with all her friends. Rose in particular. Rose was Terry’s best friend. They had known each other forever. Rose was an ex-Playboy Bunny. Rose turned me into a junkie.

I was just twenty-nine years old. I had $630,000.00 in brown paper bags ensconced in my bedroom closet and I was getting laid at least fifteen times a day from fifteen different women. Okay, that was a bit of a stretch. But not by much. Remember, I was twenty-nine and I was rich. I also had a good front—fancy cars, fancy digs, and a killer smile.

So after Terry was out of the picture, Rose and I got tight. Nothing sexual. We just dug each other. That one time we had a three-way with one of my girlfriends doesn’t count.

I would go over to her pad to hang out to get away from my life. In those days, there was a party taking place on my boat twenty-four hours a day. When I needed a little peace and quiet, I’d crawl into Rose’s bed, and together we’d watch game shows on her TV. I really liked Rose. I still do, even though she turned me into a junkie.

This is how it went down.

One night I went over there to see if she wanted to hit a few clubs with me. Maybe she could get lucky, maybe I could get lucky, but at the very least we would have a blast.

She told me she had something different in mind.

I woke up thirty years later and I still wonder what the hell happened. Here’s the deal. She brought out the shit: the baggie, the spoon, the lighter, the tie-off, the syringe. She cooked the shit up and offered me the needle. “What! Are you crazy?” I said.

“This is great!” she responded. “There isn’t a person in the world who would share their shit, but I like you.” Long story short: After ten minutes of her chasing me around the apartment with the goddamn syringe in her hand, I held out my arm and let her inject me in the vein. It was love at first sight. Or whatever.

That’s it, gentle folks. I became a junkie. I loved it. For the next thirty years, I did not miss one day getting high. Except that time I shot up some bad shit and lay comatose in my boat for three days. When I came out of it, I saw that I had soiled the sheets (if you know what I mean) and vomited all over myself. The first thing I did was go out and cop some more, but from a different source——hoping it would not kill me.

Twelve years later, I woke up one morning and decided I didn’t want to get high anymore. That surprised the shit outta me. I figured I’d be a junkie forever. I knew that after thirty years I couldn’t just go cold turkey. I needed a plan. But before I go into that, I’d like to tell you about two people who were a big help to me: Jamie Lee Curtis and Herman Goering.

First, Jamie Lee. She wrote about how she beat her addiction and that inspired me. I forget what she said, but I’m clean today, in part, because of whatever she said. Herman was something else. He was a big junkie, and when they caught up with him after the war, he had a suitcase filled with his shit. He was doing about ten times my daily dosage. (I read a lot of history.) When the Allies discovered he was a junkie, they put him on a ten-day detox regimen. My first thought (as a junkie) was, “What the fuck!” But then I thought if that asshole could do it and live, then so could I. However, I’m a sissy. I gave myself seven months. Every day, I took less and less. I figured when I got down to next to nothing, I’d just walk away clean. I thought I was so smart.

I did my seven months and then stopped. At first, I felt fine. But I didn’t know that opiates stayed in your body for seventy-two hours. On hour seventy-three, I dropped to the floor and into the fetal position. I stayed that way for six months. My mind was clean, but my body went through a hell that I cannot describe. I mean, I really cannot describe it. Even with all my acquired writing skills.

In closing, know this: I destroyed my body in ways that I might be able to describe, but I won’t. I’ll never be right again. But hey, I did it to myself. I got no bitch.

This is my take-away from all that shit. When it’s your time to get clean, you’ll get clean. All the interventions in the world won’t do it. All the rehabs in the world won’t do it. Only you can do it.

andrew-ll

I got clean at sixty years of age, and while I was in that fetal position and in indescribable torment, I wrote my first book. I am now working on my fifth. I’m no Stephen King, but I’m making money from my writing and my books are well received.

There is always hope. But better than that … there is always you.

 

 

[caption id="attachment_2495" align="aligncenter" width="188"]My First Book My First Book[/caption]

Morning in the Marina

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