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Danny Trains Andrew (Again!)

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Man oh man . . . did I have a restful sleep last night! Well, truth be known, the best part of my slumber was from 6:00 AM to about noon.

Hello fans o’ mine. It is I, Danny the Dog, here once again to regale you with my adventures.

I’m sure most of the planet knows me by now, but for those of you who live in the rain forest of Borneo, whenever the spirit moves me, I write about my adventures with my human. His name is Andrew and if he didn’t feed me every night, I wouldn’t mention him in my communiqués at all.

You all know how well trained Andrew is. He is so well trained, that life has become somewhat boring. So about a week ago, I decided to spice up my life by throwing something new into the mix. And it turned out to be so much fun.

You see, Andrew is very, very indolent. If it were up to him, he’d live like Jabba The Hut. I mean stay in bed all day, I don’t mean have a girl on a leash. Well, maybe if he could get away with it, he’d keep a girl on a leash. Why not? He keeps me on a leash!

Anyway, now to the fun part of my story.

Because Andrew is so lazy, he likes to sleep at least till mid-morning. I don’t really mind, I like to do the same; however, a week ago, I came up with a brilliant plan, if I do say so myself . . . and I do.

At this juncture, I must digress for a moment. You see, although I tolerate Andrew, I do not like sleeping with him. During the day, I have the bed all to myself, unless the lazy so-and-so decides to take a nap after a full day of doing nothing. Then I sigh, get up and go out to the galley (kitchen to you landlubbers). I like the floor there. It’s nice and cool. And of course, at night I sleep there. It’s better than sleeping with Andrew. Anything is better than sleeping with Andrew!

Okay . . . back to our story . . .  already in progress.

This is now our life together. I wake up somewhere between 4:30 and 5:30 AM and start a low growl in the back of my throat. Then I start wagging my tail so that it hits the wall. The THUMP, THUMP, THUMP is enough to rouse the dead, let alone Andrew.

When I first started doing this, Andrew thought I wanted to go outside, so after cursing me under his breath (don’t think I didn’t hear that Andrew!), he would get out of bed, get dressed and open the door. Then he would stand there waiting for me to run out so I could do my “business.”

Instead, I made for the bed and stretched out, hogging it all for myself. This went on for a few days until Andrew got hip. But with the growling and tail wagging, he can’t sleep anyway. Now he is trained to get out of bed at my command and then I have it all for myself. He doesn’t mind too much. He says that at least he can get a little writing done while I’m sleeping. Whatever that means.

I’m allowing him the bed as I write these words. But in a few minutes, I’ll get him up and tell him to go to work. Someone has to write his stupid books, and I’m sure as hell not going to do it.

So that’s it. Not a heart-pounding story this time, but very informative if one wants to train one’s human.

http://huckfinn76.com

 

Posted on Blog

Danny's Training

IMG_2459Today I'm writing to my fellow dogs. I want to tell of how I trained my human, his name is Andrew.

I started the training right away, right after I adopted him. We were in the back yard and I was running around sniffing all the wonderful scents and enjoying being a dog when Andrew called me over. He had a ball in his hand and he threw it to the other side of the yard. Then he said "Fetch" and added, "Go get it boy!" So that's what fetch means.

Well, I just looked at him and thought, If you wanted the ball so bad why did you throw it away to begin with? After Andrew fetched the ball and threw it a few more times and fetched it a few more times, he got the idea that I'm not a ball chasing kind of dog. I know some of you like to chase balls and sticks, but not me.

Next, I had to train him when we took our walks. We all know that walks are not for exercise, doing your "business" or to enjoy the scenery. Walks are for sniffing where other dogs have gone before. But humans just don't get it.

At first, Andrew would let me sniff for a few seconds and then tug on the insidious leash he makes me wear. But I planted my feet, all four of them, firmly on the ground. The only thing that moved was my collar when it slipped off. Then he bought me a chest harness. It's green and looks good against my brown fur if I do say so myself. Anyway, that didn't work either, I just dug in deeper. Now Andrew waits patiently while I get my sniffing done.

The last thing I want to tell you about is what Andrew calls my passive resistance. You all know how much fun it is to roll around on the grass. Well, I happen to like it more than most dogs. And when I'm done, I lay there with a smile on my face. Of course, Andrew is always in a rush to get home. But I'm not moving until I'm ready, so he drags me along the soft grass like a sack of potatoes (it feels good) until he sees I'm not getting up. Then I'm left alone to get up under my own volition. I got that idea from reading a book about some guy named Gandhi.

Okay, that's it. Now get out there and train your humans. They will thank you for it and be much happier.

http://huckfinn76.com