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Danny's Freedom

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Hey guys, it's me again, Danny the Dog. For those of you who don’t know me, I’m Andrew Joyce’s roommate and he is my human.

I've just been reading a little Billy Shakespeare and listening to Kris Kristofferson. Genius will tell out. What got to me this day was how they both spoke to having nothing. Billy said: "Having nothing, nothing can he lose." And Kris wrote: "Freedom's just another word for nothin' left to lose. Nothin' ain't worth nothin' but it's free."

In dog years I'm an old man, or an old dog if you will; and with age comes experience and with experience comes wisdom. And with wisdom comes the realization that we need nothing to be, nothing to exist. We accumulate so much crap and it never makes us happy. Here in America we have storage facilities on every corner. We have so much crap we have to pay someone to hold it for us!

Over one hundred and fifty years ago, Henry David Thoreau told his neighbors that they saved things; put them in their attics and there the stuff stayed until they died. Then their heirs sold the stuff and other people bought it and put it in their attics until they died. Etcetera ... etcetera ... etcetera.

I reckon what I’m trying to say is that all we need—dogs, humans and anyone else—is love. There is only love. There is fear of course, the fear of not having enough, the fear of not being loved enough. But love always triumphs over fear. So to my non-dog friends, I say choose love. I'm only a dog and I love my human unconditionally. Love those around you. Never, ever trade your love. Never ask for something in return for your love because then it is not love.

Danny the Dog, over and out.

P.S. This missive was inspired by Kris’ words.

http://geni.us/molly

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Danny Trains Andrew (Again!)

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Man oh man . . . did I have a restful sleep last night! Well, truth be known, the best part of my slumber was from 6:00 AM to about noon.

Hello fans o’ mine. It is I, Danny the Dog, here once again to regale you with my adventures.

I’m sure most of the planet knows me by now, but for those of you who live in the rain forest of Borneo, whenever the spirit moves me, I write about my adventures with my human. His name is Andrew and if he didn’t feed me every night, I wouldn’t mention him in my communiqués at all.

You all know how well trained Andrew is. He is so well trained, that life has become somewhat boring. So about a week ago, I decided to spice up my life by throwing something new into the mix. And it turned out to be so much fun.

You see, Andrew is very, very indolent. If it were up to him, he’d live like Jabba The Hut. I mean stay in bed all day, I don’t mean have a girl on a leash. Well, maybe if he could get away with it, he’d keep a girl on a leash. Why not? He keeps me on a leash!

Anyway, now to the fun part of my story.

Because Andrew is so lazy, he likes to sleep at least till mid-morning. I don’t really mind, I like to do the same; however, a week ago, I came up with a brilliant plan, if I do say so myself . . . and I do.

At this juncture, I must digress for a moment. You see, although I tolerate Andrew, I do not like sleeping with him. During the day, I have the bed all to myself, unless the lazy so-and-so decides to take a nap after a full day of doing nothing. Then I sigh, get up and go out to the galley (kitchen to you landlubbers). I like the floor there. It’s nice and cool. And of course, at night I sleep there. It’s better than sleeping with Andrew. Anything is better than sleeping with Andrew!

Okay . . . back to our story . . .  already in progress.

This is now our life together. I wake up somewhere between 4:30 and 5:30 AM and start a low growl in the back of my throat. Then I start wagging my tail so that it hits the wall. The THUMP, THUMP, THUMP is enough to rouse the dead, let alone Andrew.

When I first started doing this, Andrew thought I wanted to go outside, so after cursing me under his breath (don’t think I didn’t hear that Andrew!), he would get out of bed, get dressed and open the door. Then he would stand there waiting for me to run out so I could do my “business.”

Instead, I made for the bed and stretched out, hogging it all for myself. This went on for a few days until Andrew got hip. But with the growling and tail wagging, he can’t sleep anyway. Now he is trained to get out of bed at my command and then I have it all for myself. He doesn’t mind too much. He says that at least he can get a little writing done while I’m sleeping. Whatever that means.

I’m allowing him the bed as I write these words. But in a few minutes, I’ll get him up and tell him to go to work. Someone has to write his stupid books, and I’m sure as hell not going to do it.

So that’s it. Not a heart-pounding story this time, but very informative if one wants to train one’s human.

http://huckfinn76.com

 

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TREASURE

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He stumbled upon the treasure quite by accident. He was exploring in the vicinity when he happened upon it. His first thought was, “This cannot be real.” He approached it gingerly, not sure if it was not some kind of trick. Someone might be observing him right at that moment, and if he were to get near the treasure, spring out of their concealment and brand him a thief. But no one sprung from a concealed location, no one yelled for him to halt his advance. It seemed safe to move forward. When he arrived at the treasure, he bent down to touch it, just to make sure it was real. After one touch, he fled to better-known and safer environs.

That night he could not sleep for thinking of what he had discovered. He thought and thought of ways he could explain it to members of his tribe. If he suddenly showed up with the treasure, anything he said would be suspect. One does not find treasure of this sort every day. No, he would have to think this through.

The next day he went to the area of the treasure, but dared not get too close. Instead, he peered at it from a distance. It was still there, and untouched! For how long would it stay undiscovered? A fire burned within him to possess it. If not for the taboo placed on matters of this sort by the Law Giver, he would claim the treasure as his own. But no, the Law Giver would never allow it.

The second night after the discovery, as he tried to sleep, he thought perhaps the Law Giver would understand. Maybe he should approach her. Tell her of his find. No . . . then if she forbade him from keeping the treasure, it would be lost forever. Conceivably, he could bring it to his village and hide it from the Law Giver. However, where could he hide it? The Law Giver knew all.

Then he overheard the Law Giver speaking of the place he had found the treasure. “When they moved out, they told me they left a few things behind and if we wanted anything we were welcome to it. I’ve been too busy to go over there, but I think I’ll take a look this afternoon. Maybe there will be something Joey might like.”

Something he might like. Something he might like! Was she toying with him? Did she indeed know of the treasure? Later that afternoon, his mother called Joey to the front of the house. He was not allowed far from home because he was only five years old. He appeared right away. His mother said, “Look what I found next door where the Simms used to live. And there it was, the treasure!

His mother handed little Joey the bright red, toy fire truck that has caused him so much anguish. You see, even though it seemed to have been abandoned, Joey was afraid his mother would think he had stolen it. And in his home, stealing was the one thing his mother, the Law Giver, would never tolerate.

http://huckfinn76.com

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Danny Feels Sorry for His Fans and Writes a New Story

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Okay girls! I know you’ve missed me and I have missed you. But please, stop sending me letters, emails and videos begging me to write some more of my adventures.

Wait, let me back up for a minute. For the few humans on the planet who don’t know who I am, allow me to introduce myself by paraphrasing Mick Jagger. I’m a dog of wealth and fame . . . my name is Danny the Dog, a heartbreaker to all females . . . human and canine alike.

Now back to business. You girls are in luck; I have a new adventure for you.

My latest exploits started on a dark and stormy night. (Wouldn’t you know it?) My human was at the computer pulling his hair out because he had been editing his latest book. That’s the reason I haven’t been writing. My human, whose name is Andrew, and I share one computer and he was hogging it. I was going to bite him, but he is my sole source of food.

Anyway, after two years of writing and research and four months of editing nine to ten hours a day, seven days a week, ol’ Andrew was coming apart at the seams. It wasn’t all the work that was getting him down, although he is very indolent. It was the fact that he thought no one would ever read his genius work. (His word, not mine.)

So just before he fell apart completely. I gave him my one-bark command and I took him for a walk to calm him down. When we returned to the boat, I hopped up on the bench in front of the computer and wouldn’t make room for him. (See accompanying photo.)

I barked at Andrew, telling him to go to bed. Then I stayed up throughout the night fixing his mess for him. And I must say that I’m hell-on-wheels when it comes to writing.

When I was finished saving his career (career?) I went into his email account (I know all his passwords) and emailed the now genius work to his agent.

If he had emailed the book like he had it before I got to it, you would never have heard from Andrew Joyce again. But with my paw prints all over it, look for it on the New York Times bestseller list any day now. And when they make it into a movie, I’m going to play Rin Tin Tin! (I wrote in a part of a hero dog just to give his stupid story some credibility.)

Well folks, that’s it for this go-round. Now that I have more access to the computer, look for my next modest adventure: Danny the Dog Saves the World! As are all my adventures, it is 100% true.

http://amzn.to/18HFkQg

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Bye Bye Baby

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I wake up every night ‘bout midnight. People, I just can’t sleep no more. I can’t sleep because my woman drives me crazy. I told my woman a long, long time ago she was gonna drive me crazy. To keep my peace of mind, I’m gonna have to kill her tonight,

I’m walkin’ the dark streets with my gun in hand. I’m lookin’ for my woman.

She’s with another man, and I will kill him too.

Bye, bye little girl . . .  tonight you die.

Bye, bye lover . . .  bye, bye.

I see you through the window at Mose’s Place. You have on the red dress I bought you. You’re sittin’ with another man.

I ain’t got nothin’ to lose. I open the door and step inside.

The music, the cigarette smoke and my sorrow, all assault me.

I know what I have to do.

You’re laughing as I walk to the table. You are having a good time. Bye, bye baby.

The first bullet takes off half your lover’s head.

I take my time before firing the next bullet. I want you to know that you are gonna die.

Times slows, I see the fear in your eyes. You are splattered with your lover’s blood. It goes well with your red dress.

Bye, bye baby . . .  bye, bye.

http://amzn.to/18HFkQg

 

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An Interview with Andrew Joyce (the genius)!

Interview with Andrew Joyce, Author of Redemption: The Further Adventures of Huck Finn and Tom Sawyer

Posted by on March 15, 2014 at 2:00 pm

Redemption 800 Cover reveal and Promotional

Blurb: 

What ever happened to those little boys, Huck Finn and Tom Sawyer? They grew up that’s what. In the spring of 1860, General Beauregard fired on Fort Sumter and the now twenty-four year old boys can’t wait to sign up to fight the Yankees.

In the first battle of the war Tom is wounded and Huck brings him back to Missouri. But along the way they run into trouble and Huck ends up saving the life of a sixteen-year old Yankee soldier who deserts and travels to Missouri with the boys.

Once in Missouri the Yankee, whose name is Jed, leaves for California. A month later Huck and Tom set out for San Francisco where Tom hopes to catch a ship headed for China. Huck goes along to keep Tom company, but plans on returning to Missouri when Tom sails.

Jed never makes it to California, Tom sets sail but never reaches China and Huck never sees Missouri again. Twelve years later they come together in the town of Redemption Colorado to fight a greedy rancher and his army of hired guns.

They are not boys anymore. They are now men doing what men have to do. Huck is now a famous lawman, Tom a widower and Jed is the infamous Laramie Kid, a notorious gunfighter.

REDEMPTION is an incredible sequel to HUCKLEBERRY FINN, intertwined stories that take place between 1860 and 1873. They are stories of growth and learning, stories of change as told through the reminiscences of a sixty-year old Huck Finn. They are also adventure stories that dovetail together for the climax.

* Check out Redemption (which currently has 50 reviews with an average rating of 4.6 stars!)

Amazon (US) . . . http://amzn.to/18HFkQg Barnes & Noble . . . http://bit.ly/18HFw27
iTunes . . . http://bit.ly/1cuUx8Z

Andrew Joyce

Bio:

Andrew Joyce lives on a boat in Fort Lauderdale, Florida with his dog Danny.

Andrew Joyce, Keep Calm & Answer These 25 Questions

1. Do you consider yourself a logophile? If so, have you always been? I love words and knowing where they come from.

2. What is your favorite color? I like all colors. I don’t discriminate.

3. Where were you born? Where did you grow up? Born and reared in Miami, Florida

4. What is your favorite football team? I don’t follow sports.

5. Who is your favorite author? John Steinbeck

6. What is your favorite book? Grapes of Wrath

7. What do you do when you are not writing? Read

8. Do you have a day job as well? No . . . I make my living writing.

9. Do you have any advice for aspiring authors? #1 Write and #2 be true to your vision (that is unless all your reviews are one star. Then you might want to rethink your vision).

10. Is being a writer a curse or a gift? Being a writer is the best thing ever … until you get to the editing process.

11. Where do you write? On my boat.

12. Do you prefer silence or some noise while you write? I must have quiet!

13. What do you typically drink while writing? Vodka

14. What challenges have you had in regards to your writing life? Finding an agent – that took two years – and editing. Don’t get me wrong, I think every word I write is pure genius, but after reading them for the fifteenth time … well …

15. When did you first start and when did you finish your book? Depends on what book we’re talking about. My current book REDEMPTION took two months to write, it just flowed. But then, seven months later, I was still trying to perfect it in the editing stage.

16. If your book is made into a movie, which actors/actresses do you envision playing the parts? My agent has placed REDEMPTION with a Hollywood producer and things might work out. To your question: Matthew McConaughey as Huck and Leonardo Decaprio as Tom.

17. What does your protagonist think of you? Would he/she want to hang out with you? He doesn’t think of me at all. And no one wants to hang out with me, not even my dog.

18. How do you market your book? What avenues work best? Contacting book bloggers and begging for reviews. BookBub worked really well for me.

19. What has been the toughest criticism so far? Actually, I don’t mind criticism. One thing that did kind of get to me was when I asked for a review, and the person accused me of sending her spam. She gave me one star without reading my book just to teach me a lesson.

20. What has been the best compliment? These two excerpts from professional reviewers:

“What I loved about this book were the admirable morals and values of the main characters, they each had a real down to earth, genuine, true ‘good’ heroic nature about them. Witnessing their characters mature, grow and develop throughout the story was inspiring.”

AND:

“Through page after page, I read with amazement on how this could not be considered a companion to the Twain’s 1876 and 1884′s respective works. In a nutshell, they work together as a trilogy to complete the saga, from the imagination of two tremendous writers. Well done Mr. Joyce!” (Both full reviews are on Amazon)

21. Is anything in your book based on real life experiences or purely all imagination? The subtext is all from my experiences and limited knowledge. The story itself is all imagination.

22. How did you come up with the title? I reckon I have Mark Twain to thank for that.

23. Will there be a sequel? My agent wants one, but I’m working on something else at the moment.

24. What project are you working on now? A historical novel about the true story of the largest mass execution in the history of the United States.

25. What question did I leave out that you’d like to answer? You didn’t ask for my phone number. Whenever I speak with a beautiful woman, I always get a little insulted when she doesn’t ask for my phone number. By the way, it’s; 1-800-555-Huck. (jk)

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Danny and Mike

 

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My friend died today. This is a story I wrote six months ago.

I reckon it’s high time I told you about my friend Mike. You’ve heard me mention him before, he of Mike and Beth fame. But now, I want to go into a little more detail concerning him.

However, before we discuss Mike, perhaps I should introduce myself to all you neophytes out there. Not that there are many. Everyone knows who Danny the Dog is, or at least they should by now. Oh yeah, there is also my hapless human Andrew. We live together on a boat. I keep him around for laughs. Now on to Mike.

Last night just after sunset, I’m reading the collected works of Friedrich Nietzsche and Andrew is playing with his yo-yo when the phone rings. Because it takes Andrew all of his brainpower to get the yo-yo back up, I decided to answer the phone.  Now, I understand human, but I cannot speak it. Something to do with my vocal cords or my tongue or something. I don’t really care because when I have something to say to a human, he or she understands me just fine.

Mike was on the phone and he was inviting me to a cookout, hamburgers. (My favorite next to hotdogs.) He didn’t mention anything about Andrew, so I woofed once into the phone. Mike knew what I meant and said, “Okay, just for you. You can bring him if you want, but if he gets drunk and falls in the water again, I’m not pulling him out this time!”

I can’t leave Andrew alone. One time I left him for just a few minutes to go and bark at a dog walking its human down MY street, and when I got back, Andrew had locked himself in the boat. He was pounding on the door and crying like a little girl. So I have to keep him on a short leash, so to speak.

Anyway, we get over to Mike and Beth’s boat and Andrew goes right to the bar, as usual. I situated myself right in the middle of the throng of humans to make sure I’m close by when the food comes out.

Beth came over, rubbed my head and gave me a kiss. I love Beth! Then everyone else welcomed me. Mike was inside getting the food ready to put on the grill. Nobody spoke to Andrew.

When Mike came out and saw me, he came right up to me and said, “Thanks for coming. And please see what you can do to keep Andrew from drinking all my booze tonight."

Mike was holding a bowl of raw hamburger meat and when he saw me sniffing it, he dipped his hand in, came out with a big glob of meat and put it down on the dock for me to eat. Now, this is my only complaint about Mike. Who or what does he think I am? I’m Danny the Dog! I have a sophisticated palate; I’m a gourmand. I do not eat raw food! I don’t care if you call it steak tartare or sushi – I’m not eating it if it’s not cooked.

After Mike picking up the meat, putting it to my mouth, and me turning my head away a few times. Mike finally got the message.  He shrugged and told me he’d make a special hamburger just for me and asked how I wanted it cooked. Two woofs meant well done. And that’s how I got it. Mike sure makes great hamburgers. He puts a lot of stuff in them, but the ingredients are top secret. He won’t even trust me with the recipe.

Just one more thing. As Mike was mashing up the meat to make into patties, his next-door neighbor, Big Joe, put on some music and Mike started to do a little jig. Having no hands, I can’t clap, so I barked along with his dancing. Mike ain’t no Fred Astaire, and he ain’t no twinkle toes, but for a human he has a certain rhythm.

So that was my night out. Somehow, Andrew did not fall in the water and I got him home in one piece. As I was putting him to bed, I noticed he had the yo-yo in his hand. I gave him a questioning look. He told me he had tied the string too tight around his finger and couldn’t get it off. As I turned off the light, I looked at the poor fool; he was clutching his precious yo-yo to his bosom like it was a teddy bear.

Post Script: My friend Mike died today. For a human, you were quite okay. Good journeys, my friend.

http://huckfinn76.com

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Danny and the Three Monsters

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Hello dog fans, it’s me Danny the Dog! I haven’t been writing much lately because I’ve been helping my human, whose name is Andrew, look after three Labrador retrievers. What a nightmare! There is Chloe, she is fourteen months old, and then there is Beau and Hank. They are both four months old and they are holy terrors. They live on a boat down at the end of the dock. Their human was going out of town and he asked my human to look after the dogs. And Andrew being the idiot that he is, said yes.

First of all, I want to say to my friend Suni that I hope you get well soon. Then I want to say to Jeff, the human that lives with the three monsters, don’t ever leave them in Andrew’s care again. I wouldn’t trust him to look after a taco, much less three dogs.

The trouble started right away. Jeff had two crates (humans call them crates, I call them cages) for Beau and Hank because as I’ve said they are holy terrors. Andrew went over to take them for their first walk after Jeff left, and of course, he has to take me along. More on that later. Anyway, Andrew gets them out of the crates and is getting them off the boat when clumsy Hank falls into the water.

You have to understand this, it was nighttime. It was dark, the water was dark and Hank is black. Andrew and I could see nothing of Hank; we could only hear his splashing around. The dock is about five feet above the water so Andrew couldn’t get him out by standing on the dock. Being the genius that he is (I’m just kidding), Andrew got on the swim platform, which (for you landlubbers) is attached to the back of the boat and is only a foot above the water.

Now this is where Andrew’s genius comes into play. He took off his glasses and placed them on the transom so they wouldn’t slip off when he was bending over to pull Hank out of the water. He called to Hank, and Hank swam over and Andrew got him onto the boat. Then Andrew went to get his glasses and they were not there or anywhere else on the boat. It looked as though Beau knocked them into the water because he had his paws up in that general vicinity while he was watching Andrew rescue his brother (they’re twins). All this in the first five minutes of Andrew looking after the monsters. And it only got better, and by better, I mean worse. I had a ball watching Andrew trying to cope for four days.

On to the next disaster, but first a side note. For some reason Beau is enthralled with me. The damn dog wouldn’t let me alone. He put his snoot in my face, ran around me, bounced around me, he was a royal pain in my rear end. Finally, I had to growl at him and give him a little nip on his snoot to get some peace.

Now back to Andrew’s genius. We got the dogs back on the boat without further mishaps. Andrew fed them and all was well. But then Andrew decided not to put Hank and Beau in their crates. He felt sorry for them being cooped up like that. Big mistake!

The next morning when we went to get them there was poop everywhere. The whole floor was cover in it. The babies got into the dog food bag, ripped it open and ate all the food. Then they pooped everywhere and walked in it. They got it on the couch, on the sliding glass doors, on everything. Needless to say, Andrew, after spending two hours cleaning it all up, changed his mind about the crates.

Last night we were sitting around, Andrew was reading and I was on the computer starting this story when Chloe came on the boat. She’s always coming on here and stealing my water! But she should have been locked in her own boat. Andrew got up, looked out, saw Jeff, and said, “Thank God! Thank God! I barked the same thing. Our days of taking care of the monsters were over. Thank God!

P.S. This morning Jeff came over with Andrew’s glasses. Beau had taken them and hid them in his stash place.

http://huckfinn76.com

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Danny Gets a Bath

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I’ve had some harrowing tales to tell you folks in days gone by. There was the time I fought it out with an alligator. The time I defeated thirty pirates trying to board our boat in the middle of the night, and the time I met up with that poisonous toad; just to mention a few of my adventures. But they were naught compared to what I am about to convey. If not for my fortitude, my endurance, my character and my all around strength, I don’t know if I could have endured.

Hello, I am Danny the Dog, hero to all canines of the world, and a few females of the human persuasion. I live with my human on our boat in Fort Lauderdale Florida. His name is Andrew, and as you will soon see, he is the villain of this piece.

It all started on a warm and sunny autumn day (today). I wanted to go and visit my friend Beth who lives a few boats over. She is always so nice to me. Always puts out a bowl of water for me. Always finds something in the fridge to for me. The last time it was turkey. The time before that it was shrimp salad. The shrimp were good, I just spit out the lettuce and the other healthy stuff. But I digress, on with the horror.

I was sitting on the dock, giving reign over my domain. I had given my one bark command to Andrew to come up out of the boat and take me to Beth’s. I would have gone myself, but Andrew keeps me tethered with a leash, a rope in actuality. He is so cruel!

Well, Andrew came up alright, but I didn’t like the fact that he had dish soap in his hand. I think the brand name was Joy, but there was no joy in my heart when I saw it, for it could only portend one thing, BATH TIME!

I know that some dogs like water and that’s up to them. However, I am more sophisticated. If the Great Being wanted us dogs to fool around with water he would have given us gills to breathe through. And seeing as how He didn’t, I’ll keep my paws dry if you don’t mind. I mean if you humans had not shown up in the evolutionary scheme of things, how many baths do you think us dogs would have given ourselves over the course of a lifetime? Give up? Then I’ll tell you . . . zero, nada, none. We surely would have rolled in the carcass of a dead animal, but no baths. Thankfully, Andrew is a minimalist. He thinks as I do about baths, both for him and me. But every once in a while he bathes and then that means I have to also.

In a situation like I found myself in, it is important to show no fear. Humans can sense fear, so I stared at Andrew with a look that said, “One more step with that soap buddy, and I might just chomp down on your leg!” It did no good, onward he came. Onward came the soap.

Andrew took my harness off and said the biggest cliché in the world, “This going to hurt me a lot more than you.” It took all my will power not to bite him right then and there. Not trusting me, he kept a hold of my fur with one hand as he turned on the hose with the other. Then he wet me! Drenched me in aqua! I swear, if I didn’t depend on him for food, I would have bit him. It’s a good thing for Andrew I did not remember about Beth. She will always feed me. And Andrew might be missing a hand right about now.

So the indignity was complete. Then soap was administered to my being. I’ll forgo telling of the other ignominies I suffered. Let the record show that I am now a clean dog, albeit against my will.

As soon as I finish typing this, I have to hurry over to Beth’s. I’ve been invited for dinner and maybe a sleep over. Andrew wasn’t invited. He didn’t take a bath today.

http://huckfinn76.com