Don't Blame Me!


The police are still looking for me because of that little incident down in Mexico. I swear I never saw that horse before ... and besides ... it was consensual.

http://www.thembr.com/kelly lll

Another Sunset


IMG_3239

Hey . . . another sunset.

Just for You


Sally

Tonight I am thinking only of you. Tonight I am so in love with you.

Darling, listen to me. I have nothing but my words and these few words are my gift to you as I sit in my lonely room. My words, I know are not much. The love within them, I pray comes through.

Listen to my words with your heart.

Hear me as I tell of your smile, of your beauty, of how you give me the courage to live another day. Read my words of love.

Tonight I am thinking only of you.

Tonight my heart feels pain because you are not with me.

I am so in love with you. Can you feel my love-light shining through?

As I grow older, as I experience life, I have come to know that that there is no one more beautiful than you, no one more fine.

Your sparkling eyes. Your laughter when I tell a lame joke. The way you smile when we are alone. How you throw me out of the kitchen when your mind is on cooking.

I love the way you bat your eyes when you lure me into the bedroom.

I am so in love with you.

 

http://amzn.to/18HFkQg

Danny and the Viking Funeral


Danny

I’m not too happy with humans at the moment, but I’ll say hello anyway. My name is Danny. To my legions of fans I’m known as Danny the Dog.

Today I want to talk about my human, his name is Andrew and he is a real idiot! Andrew wants a Viking funeral. Do you know what a Viking funeral consists of? I didn’t think so, and neither did I until Andrew opened his big yap!

When a Viking died, they put him on his boat, set it afire and pushed it out into the fjord. Oh . . .  and one more thing, they killed his dog and laid him at the feet of the dead Viking just so the friggin’ Viking could have his dog with him in Valhalla!

I mean, what the hell? What had the poor pooch done to warrant death?

So I talked to Andrew last night and told him if I went first into the good night, then I would want his buddies to kill him and put him at my feet before they set the boat ablaze.

And guess what? He didn’t think that was such a good idea. So we agreed to just have a simple Lutheran service regardless of who goes first. And if he keeps up with that Viking funeral stuff, I’m sure it will be him that goes first. I’ll make sure of it.

http://amzn.to/18HFkQg

Bye Bye Baby


261

I wake up every night ‘bout midnight. People, I just can’t sleep no more. I can’t sleep because my woman drives me crazy. I told my woman a long, long time ago she was gonna drive me crazy. To keep my peace of mind, I’m gonna have to kill her tonight,

I’m walkin’ the dark streets with my gun in hand. I’m lookin’ for my woman.

She’s with another man, and I will kill him too.

Bye, bye little girl . . .  tonight you die.

Bye, bye lover . . .  bye, bye.

I see you through the window at Mose’s Place. You have on the red dress I bought you. You’re sittin’ with another man.

I ain’t got nothin’ to lose. I open the door and step inside.

The music, the cigarette smoke and my sorrow, all assault me.

I know what I have to do.

You’re laughing as I walk to the table. You are having a good time. Bye, bye baby.

The first bullet takes off half your lover’s head.

I take my time before firing the next bullet. I want you to know that you are gonna die.

Times slows, I see the fear in your eyes. You are splattered with your lover’s blood. It goes well with your red dress.

Bye, bye baby . . .  bye, bye.

http://amzn.to/18HFkQg

 

An Interview with Andrew Joyce (the genius)!


Interview with Andrew Joyce, Author of Redemption: The Further Adventures of Huck Finn and Tom Sawyer

Posted by on March 15, 2014 at 2:00 pm

Redemption 800 Cover reveal and Promotional

Blurb: 

What ever happened to those little boys, Huck Finn and Tom Sawyer? They grew up that’s what. In the spring of 1860, General Beauregard fired on Fort Sumter and the now twenty-four year old boys can’t wait to sign up to fight the Yankees.

In the first battle of the war Tom is wounded and Huck brings him back to Missouri. But along the way they run into trouble and Huck ends up saving the life of a sixteen-year old Yankee soldier who deserts and travels to Missouri with the boys.

Once in Missouri the Yankee, whose name is Jed, leaves for California. A month later Huck and Tom set out for San Francisco where Tom hopes to catch a ship headed for China. Huck goes along to keep Tom company, but plans on returning to Missouri when Tom sails.

Jed never makes it to California, Tom sets sail but never reaches China and Huck never sees Missouri again. Twelve years later they come together in the town of Redemption Colorado to fight a greedy rancher and his army of hired guns.

They are not boys anymore. They are now men doing what men have to do. Huck is now a famous lawman, Tom a widower and Jed is the infamous Laramie Kid, a notorious gunfighter.

REDEMPTION is an incredible sequel to HUCKLEBERRY FINN, intertwined stories that take place between 1860 and 1873. They are stories of growth and learning, stories of change as told through the reminiscences of a sixty-year old Huck Finn. They are also adventure stories that dovetail together for the climax.

Check out Redemption (which currently has 50 reviews with an average rating of 4.6 stars!)

Amazon (US) . . . http://amzn.to/18HFkQg Barnes & Noble . . . http://bit.ly/18HFw27
iTunes . . . http://bit.ly/1cuUx8Z

Andrew Joyce

Bio:

Andrew Joyce lives on a boat in Fort Lauderdale, Florida with his dog Danny.

Andrew Joyce, Keep Calm & Answer These 25 Questions

1. Do you consider yourself a logophile? If so, have you always been? I love words and knowing where they come from.

2. What is your favorite color? I like all colors. I don’t discriminate.

3. Where were you born? Where did you grow up? Born and reared in Miami, Florida

4. What is your favorite football team? I don’t follow sports.

5. Who is your favorite author? John Steinbeck

6. What is your favorite book? Grapes of Wrath

7. What do you do when you are not writing? Read

8. Do you have a day job as well? No . . . I make my living writing.

9. Do you have any advice for aspiring authors? #1 Write and #2 be true to your vision (that is unless all your reviews are one star. Then you might want to rethink your vision).

10. Is being a writer a curse or a gift? Being a writer is the best thing ever … until you get to the editing process.

11. Where do you write? On my boat.

12. Do you prefer silence or some noise while you write? I must have quiet!

13. What do you typically drink while writing? Vodka

14. What challenges have you had in regards to your writing life? Finding an agent – that took two years – and editing. Don’t get me wrong, I think every word I write is pure genius, but after reading them for the fifteenth time … well …

15. When did you first start and when did you finish your book? Depends on what book we’re talking about. My current book REDEMPTION took two months to write, it just flowed. But then, seven months later, I was still trying to perfect it in the editing stage.

16. If your book is made into a movie, which actors/actresses do you envision playing the parts? My agent has placed REDEMPTION with a Hollywood producer and things might work out. To your question: Matthew McConaughey as Huck and Leonardo Decaprio as Tom.

17. What does your protagonist think of you? Would he/she want to hang out with you? He doesn’t think of me at all. And no one wants to hang out with me, not even my dog.

18. How do you market your book? What avenues work best? Contacting book bloggers and begging for reviews. BookBub worked really well for me.

19. What has been the toughest criticism so far? Actually, I don’t mind criticism. One thing that did kind of get to me was when I asked for a review, and the person accused me of sending her spam. She gave me one star without reading my book just to teach me a lesson.

20. What has been the best compliment? These two excerpts from professional reviewers:

“What I loved about this book were the admirable morals and values of the main characters, they each had a real down to earth, genuine, true ‘good’ heroic nature about them. Witnessing their characters mature, grow and develop throughout the story was inspiring.”

AND:

Through page after page, I read with amazement on how this could not be considered a companion to the Twain’s 1876 and 1884′s respective works. In a nutshell, they work together as a trilogy to complete the saga, from the imagination of two tremendous writers. Well done Mr. Joyce!” (Both full reviews are on Amazon)

21. Is anything in your book based on real life experiences or purely all imagination? The subtext is all from my experiences and limited knowledge. The story itself is all imagination.

22. How did you come up with the title? I reckon I have Mark Twain to thank for that.

23. Will there be a sequel? My agent wants one, but I’m working on something else at the moment.

24. What project are you working on now? A historical novel about the true story of the largest mass execution in the history of the United States.

25. What question did I leave out that you’d like to answer? You didn’t ask for my phone number. Whenever I speak with a beautiful woman, I always get a little insulted when she doesn’t ask for my phone number. By the way, it’s; 1-800-555-Huck. (jk)

In Honor of Valentine's Day


Hello to all fans of REDEMPTION. Thank you for your support.
In honor of St. Valentine's day here's a snippet from the book.

She was beautiful as she looked up at me in the lantern light. Her face was half in shadow and all I could see were her eyes, her deep green eyes. Somehow, I knew that a small part of me would always regret leaving Molly Lee behind.

http://amzn.to/18HFkQgRedemption_800_Cover

The Best Book Dedication Ever


From Steinbeck's East of Eden .........

Dear Pat,

You came upon me carving some kind of little figure out of wood and you said, “Why don’t you make something for me?”

I asked you what you wanted, and you said, “A box.”

“What for?”

“To put things in.”

“What kind of things?”

“Whatever you have,” you said.

Well, here’s your box. Nearly everything I have is in it, and it is not full. Pain and excitement are in it, and feeling good or bad and evil thoughts and good thoughts- the pleasure of design and some despair and the indescribable joy of creation.

And on top of these are all the gratitude and love I have for you.

And still the box is not full.

Danny and Mike


 

[caption id="attachment_1434" align="alignnone" width="300"]Danny and Mike Danny and Mike[/caption]

My friend died today. This is a story I wrote six months ago.

I reckon it’s high time I told you about my friend Mike. You’ve heard me mention him before, he of Mike and Beth fame. But now, I want to go into a little more detail concerning him.

However, before we discuss Mike, perhaps I should introduce myself to all you neophytes out there. Not that there are many. Everyone knows who Danny the Dog is, or at least they should by now. Oh yeah, there is also my hapless human Andrew. We live together on a boat. I keep him around for laughs. Now on to Mike.

Last night just after sunset, I’m reading the collected works of Friedrich Nietzsche and Andrew is playing with his yo-yo when the phone rings. Because it takes Andrew all of his brainpower to get the yo-yo back up, I decided to answer the phone.  Now, I understand human, but I cannot speak it. Something to do with my vocal cords or my tongue or something. I don’t really care because when I have something to say to a human, he or she understands me just fine.

Mike was on the phone and he was inviting me to a cookout, hamburgers. (My favorite next to hotdogs.) He didn’t mention anything about Andrew, so I woofed once into the phone. Mike knew what I meant and said, “Okay, just for you. You can bring him if you want, but if he gets drunk and falls in the water again, I’m not pulling him out this time!”

I can’t leave Andrew alone. One time I left him for just a few minutes to go and bark at a dog walking its human down MY street, and when I got back, Andrew had locked himself in the boat. He was pounding on the door and crying like a little girl. So I have to keep him on a short leash, so to speak.

Anyway, we get over to Mike and Beth’s boat and Andrew goes right to the bar, as usual. I situated myself right in the middle of the throng of humans to make sure I’m close by when the food comes out.

Beth came over, rubbed my head and gave me a kiss. I love Beth! Then everyone else welcomed me. Mike was inside getting the food ready to put on the grill. Nobody spoke to Andrew.

When Mike came out and saw me, he came right up to me and said, “Thanks for coming. And please see what you can do to keep Andrew from drinking all my booze tonight."

Mike was holding a bowl of raw hamburger meat and when he saw me sniffing it, he dipped his hand in, came out with a big glob of meat and put it down on the dock for me to eat. Now, this is my only complaint about Mike. Who or what does he think I am? I’m Danny the Dog! I have a sophisticated palate; I’m a gourmand. I do not eat raw food! I don’t care if you call it steak tartare or sushi – I’m not eating it if it’s not cooked.

After Mike picking up the meat, putting it to my mouth, and me turning my head away a few times. Mike finally got the message.  He shrugged and told me he’d make a special hamburger just for me and asked how I wanted it cooked. Two woofs meant well done. And that’s how I got it. Mike sure makes great hamburgers. He puts a lot of stuff in them, but the ingredients are top secret. He won’t even trust me with the recipe.

Just one more thing. As Mike was mashing up the meat to make into patties, his next-door neighbor, Big Joe, put on some music and Mike started to do a little jig. Having no hands, I can’t clap, so I barked along with his dancing. Mike ain’t no Fred Astaire, and he ain’t no twinkle toes, but for a human he has a certain rhythm.

So that was my night out. Somehow, Andrew did not fall in the water and I got him home in one piece. As I was putting him to bed, I noticed he had the yo-yo in his hand. I gave him a questioning look. He told me he had tied the string too tight around his finger and couldn’t get it off. As I turned off the light, I looked at the poor fool; he was clutching his precious yo-yo to his bosom like it was a teddy bear.

Post Script: My friend Mike died today. For a human, you were quite okay. Good journeys, my friend.

http://huckfinn76.com