I’m not too happy with humans at the moment, but I’ll say hello anyway. My name is Danny. To my legions of fans I’m known as Danny the Dog.
Today I want to talk about my human, his name is Andrew and he is a real idiot! Andrew wants a Viking funeral. Do you know what a Viking funeral consists of? I didn’t think so, and neither did I until Andrew opened his big yap!
When a Viking died, they put him on his boat, set it afire and pushed it out into the fjord. Oh . . . and one more thing, they killed his dog and laid him at the feet of the dead Viking just so the friggin’ Viking could have his dog with him in Valhalla!
I mean, what the hell? What had the poor pooch done to warrant death?
So I talked to Andrew last night and told him if I went first into the good night, then I would want his buddies to kill him and put him at my feet before they set the boat ablaze.
And guess what? He didn’t think that was such a good idea. So we agreed to just have a simple Lutheran service regardless of who goes first. And if he keeps up with that Viking funeral stuff, I’m sure it will be him that goes first. I’ll make sure of it.
Hi Danny, just wanted to tell you two things: (1) I love this funny new story…short but oh so to the point! (2) I wouldn’t be too happy with humans either, especially given the topic of THIS story! You know my cat, Zoe (she writes too) – she says to remind you that Andrew is just a foolish human AND she wants me to ask you if you know of any funeral tradition involving cats. (I say she should look it up herself, she can be so lazy sometimes!)
Very wise of you to sit Andrew down for a chat. My human’s father also wants a Viking funeral (in his canoe) and he isn’t going to take any of his cats with him. I wonder if the cats had a similar conversation. Did the Vikings even have cats?
A cat would never put up with that kind of behavior.